Immortal Wishes
by AlwaysDreaming95
Summary: If Magnus had 1 wish what would it be? What would he want more than anything in the world? Except to spend what life he has been given with Alec.
1. Ch1- Mortality

_**Pt.1**_

Too be known as something that people hate is something I grew up knowing very well. I was used to the distaste in eyes of those I fall in love with, but with that look in his eyes I just want to die. For once I started hating what I am. An immortal who has watched everyone that he has ever loved die. I never brought up how I felt with Alexander cause I've always been afraid of what he'd say. What will our relationship be like when he's aging like any normal human being and I stay the same as I always will until hopefully I'm somehow killed. I know Alec will forever be in my heart and that's what worries me. As I sit here alone in my loft I start to think what life would be like without the young shadowhunter by my side. How I wouldn't see his expressions change and how I wouldn't be able to hold him in my arms?

I sigh and I hear a slight voice whisper in my ear, "You wish for so much, but ask for none. Lil brother, you deserve to be happy. What do you wish for truly with all your heart?"

I turn around to see that no one is there and i sigh thinking that the voice sounded like my old friend and half sister, Cassandra. She was one of Asmodeus' first children and by far the oldest to survive. Her magic is greater than most people could dream of for a long time she went by the name of Wish Giver, especially to those she deemed worthy of any gift for her to bestow upon. She always said no matter what dead or alive when I'd really need it she'd give me a gift that I'd have a choice to choose from. Truthfully it made no sense, but in hearing her voice I almost wish i knew so much more.

"Mags," I hear someone call me.

I look up too see Alec's worried lil blue eyes and can't help, but too smile gently at him. I look around too realize that I had fallen asleep on the couch which is rather rare for me too do. Especially since it's not fashion week or anything.

I smile gently at him as he takes my hand in his, "Hey, Alexander. What brings you here this fine morning?"

Alec simply gives me a simmering look and sighs, "I knew you'd forget that we made dinner plans. It is our anniversary dinner where we'll have time to ourselves. I'm sure Clary and Izzy will come up with some plan to hold some party for us the day off."

I think for a second and know he's right, but how could I forget the day that… Oh that's right I thought I heard my sister's voice yesterday. Not that I had told many people over the years, but Cassandra was always there for me when I needed her, but when Valentine first tried to steal the cup she disappeared and I've always felt lonely. Maybe I should tell Alec. I mean he deserves to know what I'm thinking. Though this part of my past I've always kept hidden telling someone is a bit difficult.

"Come on Magnus, you promised me a night out after being together for 4 years."

I smile softly knowing he's right and how the boys are probably causing all kinds of hell at the institute since they like it there better than the loft for some odd reason. I miss my lil blueberry and Rafe. I watch my loving fiance laugh with such joy in his eyes as he stares at me with such love. I take his hands in my own as I pull him over to our couch and I smile gently at him, "I need to tell you something I've never told anyone in my whole existence."

Alec looks at me completely worried and I smile gently as he nods his head, "There's nothing that could make me love you any less or anymore than I already do, Mags. What's bothering you?"

I sigh as I look at our hands nervous as I was when I was coming up with how I'd ask Alexander to marry me.

I take a deep breathe and go with it, "I had an older sister by the name of Cassandra. She was beautiful by any means. I'm not sure if the Clave had a nice file on her, but those she helped called her the Wish Giver. I've had my head filled with all these thoughts and small wishes cause I'm just so happy to have a life with you. The other night I thought I had heard her voice and I remembered a promise she made too me before she disappeared."

"What was it, Magnus?"

"Too give me the wish I desire the most, but I'd have to make some kind of choice. Cass, always loved too keep me on my toes."

Alec is staring at me with nothing but love in his eyes then confusion, "I never heard of the Wish Giver… before."

"I wouldn't be too surprised she was my father's first child with a human and she was by far the most hidden. She was an anomaly too many cause they barely knew anything about her, but the moment I met her when i was very young I knew everything I needed too. I could sense the type of bond I had with her, but I hated her for so long cause she didn't raise me. She spent her time only popping in when I needed help. I never said much that she was the one that taught me so much about magic and on how to truly love a person. Maybe I started to think of her cause I started to hate my immortality so much more than I ever could. The moment where I hate who I am more than anything in this entire world."

Alec looks at me shocked and takes my hand and place it on his beating heart and places his free one on mine, "Mags, I'm always here no matter what. Being in your heart I know I'll live there forever. I know we're chasing whatever time we have together from the very moment we met, but I'd never regret wanting to spend my life with you and grow old with you."

I take a deep breathe as I smile at him, "I know love. I know more than you can imagine. It's just as you grow old I will stay the same as I am and surely I will lose you. I don't know what a life without you would be like and the very thought makes me feel nauseous and dead."

I watch tears form in my fiance's eyes and I don't say anything as I brush them away. I lean in and kiss him gently, "Come we have reservations and I'm sure we'd like to eat something rather than whatever we have in the fridge."

Alec laughs as he nods his head, "Of course. We have a lunch reservation at our favorite restaurant don't we."

As we reach the restaurant nicely dressed but still casual I spot a woman with long dark hair and pale skin walk into the restaurant and she's being followed. I shake my head thinking it's nothing to think about this restaurant is pretty famous. Aelc and i are seated at one of the best tables in the place and I spot the woman with long dark hair and pale skin. This time I see her face and I almost gasp in shock. She looks so much like my sister. Her heart shaped face and perfect nose scrunched up as he pale eyes focus on her menu in hand. I feel horrible cause throughout dinner I hardly paid attention too my husband as I watched and tried to spot the woman's wrist too see if she has the scar Cassandra did.

"Magnus," my fiance's stern voice cuts me from my thoughts and I look at him, "what has gotten into you? You've been staring off into space the whole time?"

I sigh as take one last look at the woman too see a small smile graced her lips as she looked at us, "I'm sorry, love. It's just the woman behind you reminds me of Cassandra and everytime I see a woman that'd fit her description I can't help but too try too see if she has any of my sister's scars."

Alec shakes his head as he looks at me, "You silly man you. You had me worried for a moment you know. At least you're not staring at her like you'd cheat on me."

I look at my fiance horrified by the very idea, "No way, my Nephilim. I'd never do such a thing too you."

I watch in the corner of my eye as someone stops at our table causing us both too look up too see the woman that was sitting behind Alec.

She smiles softly enough that it reaches her blue eyes, "I'm sorry to interrupt your dinner, but I'd like to say you to look adorable together. It kind of makes me jealous."

Alec looks at her shocked and I simply smirk at her as I take my fiance's hand in my own, "I know aren't we. Though I'm sure my love will disagree with your use of the word adorable."

The woman giggles softly as she looks at us, "I'm sorry if it offends you. I'm used too a rather open lil brother and I can't help but to use it whenever I see loving couples."

Alec looks at her shocked and annoyed with this talkative woman, "Thank you. Umm… Where is your brother?"

She laughs as she looks at us, "Which one? I have lots of siblings. This brother though you'd love I'm sure. Your fiance kind of reminds me of him actually."

I watch her look over her shoulder at the 2 men that followed her in and she catches my eye as she leans over a bit too whisper, "I'm sure a shadowhunter and High Warlock would not mind help me shake this annoying bunch that's been following me around all day would you."

We look at her and I know Alec in his own way help people as he motions for her to sit with us.

"How did you know who we were?"

"Well I'm like your little man over there, but older. Though I like to spend my time away from humans, nephilim like yourself, and downworlders alike."

"Solitude… isn't that lonely?" I ask her.

She smiles softly at me as she pats my hand, "Trust me when I say this, but I've seen many people I love human, nephilim, and downworlders alike die. They all leave me as I know my lil brother will one day as well. I just wish him the best. Somedays I wish the Wish Giver was still around, but after what Valentine had done she became scared. She was a dear friend of mine. I had heard rumors she was close with you as well Magnus."

I watch the woman and I hate how I can sense her glamour, but I can not see through it. I can not see what her eyes really look like.

"She was a friend of mine she helped me a lot growing up. Sometimes I go through my head and wonder if I'd ask her for any wish what it'd be," I tell the woman and she nods.

"I know the feelings. A lot of magic is hard to complete by yourself the wisher sometimes needs a giver. Now tell me young shadowhunter," she waits for Alec to look at her, "If you had any wish in the world and it could be granted…. What would it be?"

I watch my fiance in wonder as he looks at her, "There's nothing I'd wish for," well that's a shocking answer.

"What do you mean everyone has wishes?"

He nods his head as he looks at me with only love in his eyes, "I guess it's natural as any living being. I simply wish to live a long happy life with the man I love. To build a family with him for he can always be surrounded by loved ones even when I'm gone."

I know he sees the hurt and love in my eyes and maybe even a tear or 2, cause who wouldn't feel hurt and loved by such an answer. Even the woman's eyes go soft and I can almost see through her glamour, but enough is there too distort her real face.

"That's a loving answer and I can sense nothing but the truth from it," she takes both our hands in her own as she says a few words that I for once do not recognize and I can truly sense how old she is, "I wish the 2 of you a happy life. I'm sure I'm drawing unwanted attention and taking time away from your date."

"It's fine. Though what of the 2 followers?" I ask her worried for this… older woman.

"I'd rather not use magic, but I think creating a portal in the bathroom to escape in the only way. I'm sure I'll meet you 2 again. Maybe not crashing your lunch date," she jokes.

"That would be a wonderful idea."

She smiles as she sets her hand on the table to push herself up, "Well lunch will be on me. Now if you'll excuse me." As she passes me I hear a quiet voice say, "I'm sorry little brother."

I look behind me too see the woman disappeared into the bathroom, "That was a bit odd, don't you think?"

I nod my head and try to recall my sister's voice, "It's funny. I could have sworn that woman called me lil brother."

Alec takes my hand in his and nods his head, "I know. Magnus, maybe we should head home. You have things there that you can use to search for her."

I nod my head as take one look back before looking at our hands holding each other on the table. I smile until I notice the 100 dollar bill on the table over a small piece of paper. I pick up the bill too see a polaroid back when cameras were first invented, the paper is finely preserved, and the faces are hard to mistake. Standing with each other is the woman we just saw and myself unlike most photos we are smiling happily, something they said was bad for photos in those days.

Alec takes it from my hand and smiles at it softly, "This is a good photo."

"Of course, I never take bad photos."

I chuckle as I nod my head, "Magnus let's go home. I think we have a few more hours before they send the boys back home."

I smile wickedly at my fiance and I'm going to spend all the time I can with him and never think of a life without him.


	2. Ch2- Break Into My Heart

**Pt.2- Break Into My Heart**

It's been a few days since we had ran into who I believe too be my sister at the restaurant and I smile gently as I stroke my fingers over the older photo. Though I think I have some old art pieces of Cassandra back when i first met her when i was rather young warlock and foolish. I sigh as I get off the couch not wanting to spend the day away from my fiance. He'd just pick on me for being clingy lately but that's cause I've had a lot of thoughts on mortality lately and it's not a fun thought when you're practically half demon and immortal while the one you seem to love more than anything is mortal and a shadowhunter. I smile as I enter our room too see Alec curled up with our lil blueberry. Alec hasn't been feeling all that well lately and it scares me when he's sick enough that he'll just lie in bed. I always think of the worse. I climb into bed behind my darling.

Alec wakes up as he sees the photo in my hand and he takes it from me as he asks, "How did the two of you meet?

"Well from what she told me is she would go around and track down her siblings, but almost none of them would want anything to do with her. When she found me I was still very much a child and doing magic tricks to get by. Then one day a woman with long beautiful dark brown hair, pale skin, and pale blue eyes," I smile gently as I look at Alec, "I remember how skittish I was of her. I kept running away from her but all means that I could. It was after a few days I had stopped and she finally had a chance to talk to me.

 _"Magnus, how are you?" a young woman with pale skin and dark hair says to me in a soft voice as if she's scared she'll scare me off._

 _"Who are you?"_

 _"I am your sister…. Half sister at least we share the same father. While I may not have your charming looks, but we share our skill in magic. I'm here cause I want to help you. I care about you Magnus and I know that I may not be able to take care of you cause I'm always gonna be in hiding doesn't mean I'll never be there when you call."_

 _"Why find me then leave me all alone again?"_

 _"It's cause I'm running from those who think lowly of people like us, we're called Downworlders. We're part demon and their part angel we're natural enemies, but trust when I say this Magnus, you will change the world for all of us."_

 _"How? How would I do that?"_

 _"For being who you are and falling in love with the most perfect person for you. You'll love them more than anything and you'll have to decide what kind of life you want."_

 _Before I could ask her any more questions she disappeared like she always had and probably will whenever I'd bring up her prediction. She'd always tell me that time will tell and when it comes to love life will only lead you._

I wake up too hear the shower running, but my fiance and our lil blueberry in our arms. Max is getting older and bigger by the day as is Rafe, but Rafe spends a lot of time at the institute. I wake Alec up and push a finger to my lips as I point too our bathroom. He nods his head as he pulls out a blade from under the bed shielding our young son. I pull out my own not that i'll need it. I make my way over to the bathroom and open the door to see some naked pale woman standing there drying herself out.

"What the hell?" I shout and grab her arm.

I'm easily thrown out of the bathroom with a flick of her wrist and I look up too see 24 year old Cassandra looking at me with glee in her eyes.

"Magnus, I thought I taught you better than that."

I hear footsteps run out of the bathroom and Alec is at my side though he quickly covers his eyes when he sees Cassandra.

"Magnus, what the hell? Why is there a naked woman in our bathroom?"

"Oh Magnus I knew he'd be adorable, but this is too much."

Alec looks my way as he says, "So I'm guessing this is Cassandra."

"Yeah, this is Cas. Though why she's here is not something I'd know."

I watch the glamour over her eyes fade and I'm faced with fully white eyes and bit of pointed teeth, "Wow, it's been a very long time since I've seen this side of you."

She smiles as she runs a hand through her hair not even trying to cover herself up, "Yeah, well i'm not in the view of anyone dangerous. Plus I think the Clave only has 1 photo of me and it's a faded drawing from a few hundred years ago."

"That's great, please get dressed," I hear Alec shout out and I chuckle as I look at my fiance and how he is so flustered by the naked woman.

She chuckles as she looks between us, "What you're the ones that walked in on me. Sure i broke into your home, but you did say I could use the house whenever I wanted too. It's not my fault you presumed I was dead. I finally came out of hiding cause I had heard about your engagement and how your wedding is in a few weeks. Even in hiding I would never miss such a day. Not when Alexander Lightwood is quite known for his fights for Downworlder rights. Though with me coming from the woodworks hopefully won't be a problem. Though he's gay and you are my brother and only have eyes for the young nephilim standing at your side…. Ummm…. Alec, you don't look that great go back to bed. I need too talk too my brother privately anyways."

I watch my sister as she looks at him with gentle eyes and I nod too my darling, my true love."If you need me I'll be in bed with blue. Rafe, should be back here tonight wake me up too ake dinner."

I smile at him as I kiss his forehead then his lips, "of course, I'll wake up in a few hours. I want you to get as much sleep as you can."

I watch him nod his head as he gives me a quick kiss and walks back to our bedroom shutting the door behind him.

I look at my sister as I sit on my couch and motion for my sister too follow. I hear a snap of her fingers and I know she's dressed and dry. I watch as she moves over to the couch and sits on the other end looking at me with a sad look in her eyes.

"You've been thinking about morality haven't you?" she asks me with a sad knowing look on her face.

"I have… how did you know that?"

She smiles sadly at me, "You know I've lived a rather long time. I've been around for a long time. Though the first time I really thought of such a thing was when I met a young man back around the time of King Arthur. He was a shadowhunter, back when it was first started, he loved me. I loved him as well. I hide who and what I was from him until after we were married, but his family found out who I was. They told him and ordered him to leave me, but he had refused. He told them he didn't care, because all he saw was a woman that would spend her time helping those who needed it. That they hated me was only cause I refused to help them cause I called them greedy neanderthals that only saw one thing. They knew that they couldn't kill me so they tried to have him killed. Arthur didn't have any of that. He spent all the time he could going into battles with no hope of survival, but each time he'd come out with wounds that should have killed him. When he was finally going to die he was still young in today's standards… even in those standards he was rather young. I had asked him to join me in this life and he refused cause he wouldn't be able to see the ones that he loves die. So I did something without his permission. I made it so he'd be reborn over and over again with 5-10 years between his death and rebirth. Everytime I'd see him at first he'd be so angry with me blaming me for all the things that happen to him in that life… and sometimes the life before. Though then he realized why I had done what I did. He knew that he was the first person I ever cared about more than anything. That he was my first and only love. I had tried I skipped out on him for a few lives after he told me to go crawl in a hole and die. During that time I had found you lil brother. I had jumped around finding children like us and those who had our father, but no one cared. Though you. I was so glad that I was able to help you. The years I'd spend dropping in and out of your life were some of the best highlights of my life. When I got the chance I'd teach you magic. What I told you was the truth… I did a small check on your future when I met you. It was beautiful and sad. Though there's still many things that are yet to be decided. I knew that Alexander was going to come into your life here so I started to push you here never thinking that everything that happened would. I saw the moment you'd meet him and right that moment I knew it was true love. So I messed with your future so you'd meet him."

I clench my hands as I push myself off the couch and face her, "You messed with my future! Why?! Why the hell did you mess with my future like that? For all you know he could have been a Camille."

"Magnus, i wanted to do what's best for you. I knew he'd love you and would never hurt you. Look at how happy you are. I wanted to tell you, but I thought if I told you… You'd hate me thinking that I was controlling your life like a lot of people had tried to do too you. I didn't want that. I wanted you safe and happy. I didn't know what would bring Alexander to you, but I knew the moment. I'd always check up on you. I know you felt it thinking it was just some petty warlock trying to spy on you. I did so too make sure you were happy. I know there was times I didn't like what I saw, but I wasn't going to interfere with your life anymore. It was taking too long for Alexander to get to you so if you left I wasn't going to blame you at all. Though you stayed and created your very own life here in Brooklyn. I was so proud of you."

I know i'm still glaring at her, but I'm happy for what she did cuase if it wasn't for her I'd probably wouldn't have met Alexander. Though the feeling of betrayal is still there deep rooted in my mind and my heart. My sister had spent so many years lying to me acting as if none of it ever mattered. Leading me too the one place she believed I needed to be. A place that I'm glad I ad spent that time in just for the time I get to have with Alec.

I feel her hand on my own and I see another sadness in her eyes, "Magnus, be sure to keep your magic in check. Trust when I say that it can hurt the ones we love."

"How?"

"I had become pregnant one of the many times that I had met Arthur again. We were so happy, but confused on how such a thing could happen. It never happened before. I know. I had checked. I even checked again after all these years and no one had ever heard of one of Lilith's children having children that's directly theirs. I was the first and what I know the last. I had lost control of my magic apparently and had somehow forced myself to conceive. I didn't know what I had done. I was so happy. I was excited, but when I gave birth to a set of beautiful twins we knew of the danger. One was a shadowhunter and the other was a warlock. My beautiful girl was so strong, but shadowhunters feared her cause I was her mother. Our son a warlock his power was a bit unstable. It was hard for him to control at a young age. It wasn't until a set of demons attacked us. I was caught off guard not even thinking very well. They killed my family. I remember lying on the ground waiting to die, but it wouldn't come. My kids were in their 20's. My daughter found a nice boy a mundane and had a lil girl with them. My son well he wasn't as lucky. People kept using him all kinds of ways that they wanted too. Though my son loved me more than anything. I had 20 years too be with my family and I loved every second of it. It doesn't get easier losing the ones that you love and it's hard to start off a new when you see them again. Trust me when i say there are more choices for you."

"What do you mean?" I can't help but to ask her as I sit once again on the edge of my couch.

"Well there's becoming mortal," she says softly.

I start to shake my head as I look over to the bedroom door, "I couldn't do that too my lil blueberry. I love him and I don't want him to be alone."

"I'm sorry, but I don't know who your lil blueberry is… I thought it was just you and Alexander."

I shake my head and smile fondly, "No… Ummm… a while ago we adopted a lil warlock baby and a young shadowhunter. They're our children and we love them so much."

My sister smiles at me and I know she's happy for me, "Well I guess there's Alex becoming Immortal though that spell would take a couple of people to complete."

"I'm not sure I could force him to live a life where he'd have to see the ones he loves dies. It's not an easy thing to live with."

Once again my sister nods her head, "that I know is true all too well dear brother…. Then I guess there's the reincarnation spell."

"The what there's no such thing?"

"Oh dear brother I know about every spell that is out there and there is one and it works as I said the love of my life is originally 5th century knight so yeah it works."

"What next thing you're gonna say is that it's really King Arthur?"

"It kinda was… Though why they changed my name too Guinevere still irks me."

I nod my head as I shake my head again, "I can't make decide what to do. I can't do anything like this too Alexander. I need sometime to think of this on my own. I mean how would I even ask any of this of him."

Cassandra nods her head as she pats my hand, "trust me when I say I understand. It's not an easy decision and sometimes you wish someone would just make it for you, but trust me it's not that easy." I nod my head as she leans over and kisses my forehead, "Trust me Magnus when I say that love is hard thing, but it's one of the best things that can happen in your life especially when it's nothing but pure true love."

I smile as I pat my sister's hand and lean over so I'm setting my head onto her shoulder and she strokes my hair.

"I'm sorry I was never there truly for you Magnus but you've lived such a full life I have no idea what to tell you. You have more of a life than I ever could."

I look at her and I don't care as I let tears fall from my eyes, "That maybe true, but you had a family. You had the purest of love as well. You had a chance to raise a family far before me. You had lost them and I know that hurts, but mother trust me when i tell you that there's nothing that I had wished more than anything in the world was a family that I could call my like Alec too come along and sweep me off my feet and show what the true meaning of love really would be. I love him and it scares me what morality is really like. Anyday that he leaves to he might not come back. I'm scared he won't have a long full life cause of things like that."

"I know what you mean. I fear that for everyone I love even you, Magnus."

I turn my head up as I hear the front door open and our adopted son, Rafe, runs into the house shouting random things about all the fun he had today. It's surprising that he can counting that Alec and I are not exactly a normal couple in the Clave's eyes for one we're male and then he's a shadowhunter and I'm a warlock.

Rafe looks at Cassandra and I smile at him showing him it's alright, "Rafe, this is my sister Cassandra. She's going to spend sometime around here while daddy and I get ready for the wedding."

Cas smiles gently at me as she looks at my boy with only love and care in her eyes like she had first looked at me.

"Hello, Rafe."

I watch my son with gently eyes as he stares at my sister like she's the most interesting thing he's ever seen… which is odd cause his brother is blue with horns… Oh well… She's doing it all over again breaking into people's hearts. I just never thought that anyone else but her would do that for me. To break into my heart and fill it with the feeling of love and family like what Alec has given me.


	3. Ch3- Sharing And Making Memories

**Ch.3- Sharing And Making Memories**

I sigh as I watch the Lightwood siblings and their friends file into Alec and my apartment. I know it's going to be a long day and I'm not one to deny a party, but with Cas being around don't get a whole lot of alone time with my Nephilim. Though when Cas comes walking out of the spare bedroom wearing a form fitting tank dress with simple long necklace that looks like a locket is attached, she only has a single diamond and opal ring on her ring finger, and a set of opal earrings. Her long hair is pulled into a high ponytail, but she did leave herself some bangs probably too hide something from the looks of it. Her eyes are glamoured though I can tell that she hates every second of that.

"Oh wow, you must be Alec's friends and family,"

"Who are you?" Jace asks a bit gruffly.

"Oh sweetie I could snap you in 2 before you could even say ahh," my sister coos in a soft but commanding voice.

I look at her with a look that said too behave, "Cas, you need to behave if you plan on staying here for awhile."

"Oh Magnus," she asks as she wraps her arms around my neck, "that's not very fun. Not counting I think that boy could use a few things too stop with that attitude issue."

I chuckle as I reach up and pat my sister's head, "I know. Though they are Alec's family which makes them my family. Making them yours."

She sighs as she looks at the confused set of people standing in my doorway. She looks at me and I nod my head and she waves away here glamour and looks at them.

"What the hell is another warlock doing here?"

"Jace, be nice too my sister-in-law," Alec yells at him and I snicker.

Cas simply nods her head since her and Alec had gotten close rather quickly especially after he had allowed her to hold our lil blueberry.

"Sister-in-law… that thing has a close sibling?"

Cas rolls her eyes as she looks at Jace in distaste, "I see there are still neanderthals in the Clave still. Do I need to draw a diagram sweetie?"

I look at Cas as she seems a little annoyed with Jace… which makes sense I still don't care for him very much, but he's Alec's brother and Parabatai.

Before more can be said I raise my hand as my kids run up too Cash cause she promised to play some board games with them. Lil blue simply is attached to my sister mostly cause she sings him songs in all kinds of languages claiming that Alec and I are tone-death. Rafe simply loves her stories of knights and about everything else she's lived through from her long life.

Izzy smiles at them as she asks, "So which one of you is older?"

Cas raises her hand, "I am. I am one of our father's first children. I think I'm a few thousand years old by now. It's been a rather boring life since I've spent most of it avoiding the Clave and such. Not counting with how long I've lived… I've pissed off a lot of people."

"Oh who was the king that tried to take your head back in London?" I can't help, but to ask her.

"It wasn't the king… it was the queen cause I slept with the king. Though it was so I could steal some valuable artifacts that kind of belonged to be anyways."

I nod my head as I sit down on my couch next to Alec and I know he liking how she's taking care of the kids.

We're sitting there for a while until izzy has too ask Cas another question one of the few hundred that she probably has, "So Cassandra, did you have a person like Alec is too Magnus?"

I watch as she freezes up and curtly nods her head, "Yes, though he was a shadowhunter he loved me even after knowing who i was. Though this was close to the beginning of the Clave. They didn't want to strip him of his runes hoping they could get rid of one of us before we'd embarrass the family name," she smiles fondly as she places her hand over her locket, "Would you like to see a picture?"

Izzie nods her head now realizing what she had just asked an immortal. Cas shows a picture of a handsome young man with dark hair and blue eyes. Weird enough you are from his line of family the Lightwoods. Though mostly cause they didn't have another male to take on their family's name so it was lived on through his sister. So luckily Lilith's children are sterile huh."

I know she was trying to lighten the mood so I pull her into my lap so I can hug her tightly. Though I'm surprised as I watch Izzy flip through magical projections of faces until she gets too a picture of what looks like Cas with a man holding a set of twins still barely 3 weeks old.

"Who's the man with you and the twins?"

She looks panicked as she lies through her teeth, "1 of my husbands and a twins we had taken in after we found them abandoned."

I look closely at the photo to see that you can hardly notice the warlock in either of them they look perfectly human.

"What were their names?"

"The lil boy's name was Jacob and the lil girl's name was Wendy. My husband's name was Arthur."

Izzie nods her head as she looks at the locket, "This is amazing. Though some of the pictures seem odd. I mean if the first one was a knight why does it look like a regular photograph?"

"Oh I learned a spell to take images from memories and put them into objects. It's how I lived with losing so many loved ones. The locket is all images that I copied over from my memories so I'd never forget the ones that I've had in my life. I even have a photo of when I first saw magnus he looked so young back then though he doesn't look too different."

She takes the locket and whispers my name into it and an image of myself pops up and they look shocked at what seems to be a 10 year old boy, "Magnus was outcasted cause of what he was and was already learning so much on his own. I met him and he was a bit skittish around me mostly cause I was a whole lot different than most people he had met by then. It was so funny especially since he thought I was only a lil bit older than him. Not being too really age is rather hard thing to deal with. We can usually stop aging at a certain time, but I'd slow it especially during the middles ages. Man marrying age was so young back then and so was births. Ahh I'm kind of glad I'm stuck at this age though. Looking this old is perfect."

I nod my head knowing what she means.

I sigh as Clary asks her about an artist that was a bit before my day. Cas simply nods her head as she talks about all kinds of artists she's met and comments on what they were like in and out of bed. Oh I love my sister we are so much alike. Though the topic of love seems to be completely avoided.

Cas' phone goes off and she gasps for a second as she jumps up, "I'm sorry I have to take this."

I tilt my head too my side and watch her walk into the guest room where she seems too had thrown up a sound barrier.

Alec looks at me about as confused as I am.

"Is Cas alright? She seemed to act like she got suddenly bad news."

"It was the hospital," Jace says as he looks at us slightly confused as well, "I didn't catch the name, but it was the hospital that's a bit away."

I nod my head worried what my sister had gotten herself wrapped in. I look at Alec knowing he's still a bit tired from whatever he was sick from a bit ago. It's a bit later that Cas walks into the room with a sad look on her face and soon she's in my arms crying.

"Shh… it's alright, what's wrong?"

"He's dead. I didn't even get to spend a lot of time with him, but he died. Stupid mundanes and their cancer," she shouts the last bit into my ear as she starts crying all over again.

I nod my head as i set it onto her own as I rub her back. Alec looks a bit sad as he takes her hand in his own as she looks up she smiles sadly, "Let's go get you cleaned up and talk about whatever."

Cas simply nods her head as he leads her away into our bathroom. Alec has always been a best choice for those who are grieving. I smile sadly as I look at the door too our bedroom knowing they'll probably be there for awhile.

"Alec and her seem pretty close," Clary states as she looks at the door.

"They are. Alec hasn't been feeling well lately and she's been helping out around here with the kids and under Alec's order I still deal with clients. I think it's cause she has amazing stories and I think embarrassing ones about me. Rafe and Max seem too love her as well… They see how we are around her and they automatically started too like her."

It's a couple hours later that I watch Alec and Cas leave the bedroom. Alec is busy laughing at something she said and Cas well she looks a lot more at ease. There's something in her step that worries me still though. She looks weak, but at ease. Still as she sits down on the couch opposite of me Alec sits between us and she sets her head on his shoulder. Luckily his family and friends had left with the kids cause well they wanted to spend time with them cause we've had them since Cas had shown up in our lives.

I give her a look and I watch Alec pat his lap so I happily set my head there where he starts combing his hands through my hair.

"Who died?" I can't help but to ask.

"Ummm… Arthur… in this life he was a mundane instead of a shadowhunter. He had been diagnosed with cancer a couple years ago and he was going through treatment. It didn't help him. He was shipped off to a hospital last month. They had said he didn't have much longer to live. I didn't think what they said was true. I thought I could save him, but he kept yelling at me. I should go to the morgue."

I nod my head as Alec does, "We'll go with you. I think you'll need the support."

She smiles softly as she looks between us, "Alright… Umm… Let's go then."

I watch her stand as her phone goes off again, "Hello."

"Yes, Mary… I know I should have gone straight there when I got the call, but… I couldn't stand the thought of seeing him like that…. I know that it looked bad, but I've spent everyday with him even when I was still working too make sure he was happy and not in pain. I took care of his treatment that was for home. While you his mother kept to herself and left him in my hands doing nothing that could possibly help him. Look I'm coming too the hospital right now with my brother and his husband. I will see you in a lil bit Mary," with a huff my sister hangs up her phone and I see that it looks like she has her feathers ruffled a whole lot.

I watch Alec go to her side place a hand on her shoulder and she smiles sadly at him, "It seems Arthur's mother wants to have a talk with me. Though I still wish that you'll come with me."

Alec's mothering nature seems to go into full ride as he nods his head, "Of course. I'm gonna change real quick."

Cas smiles at him as she nods his head, "Of course. Go ahead Alexander. We can make that witch wait a bit longer."

He nods his head, but I know he'll change as fast as he can. I wait for him too enter our room for I can I ask my sister, "Arthur… he gets the same name each time?"

She nods her head with a small smile, "Yes, which is a bit odd. Though he had come back as a female once or twice his name was Arta those times."

"How can you tell it's him?"

"I'm not sure I can always ready people's souls rather while so when I see his it's the same everytime as if it was the song he'd always sing to me back in his first life with me. Though he always seems to have this scar on his hand that he got when he died. Where he had a knife stabbed through it too hold him in place…. His eyes are always this beautiful color ocean blue that would make me feel like I was at sea, but there is always a small fraction in the lower left corner of his left eye that's green. He'd always joke that I only keep him cause of his eyes for no matter what we'd lay for hours doing nothing while I started in his eyes. He'd get mad at me like no other. Though I had done a spell I learned a while back too kind of tie us together so we're pulled together everytime he reaches the age of 16. Almost like a siren's song."

"You are a wonderful person. You seem to cover everything while you can."

She laughs as she nods her head, "Arthur… is more magical than any form of magic I know… that's saying a whole lot. When I refused to use magic for a large part of time we had together he accepted it and had helped me learn everything I'd need to know for a life without magic. It was fun learning to cook and I still love to do so every now and again. Ohh and doing all kinds of forms of arts."

I laugh at how excited my older sister sounds though we still are in a way are strangers… Though aren't older siblings supposed to be mysterious and know it alls for their younger siblings. I watch Alec come from our room with a tight expression on his face as if he's worried for all of us. Though my fiance… why aren't we married yet. We already have a 4 year old son that loves us both like no other and he only seems too wish the best for his father's. Our young Max… my lil blueberry truthfully everyone is tired of all the jokes I make on that. I wonder where my goes all the time.


	4. Ch4- Surprises

**Ch.4- Surprises**

When we make it too the hospital all I can do is feel the emptiness inside. Ohh… How do I hate hospitals? So much death happens here than anywhere else I've ever been. Though Cas looks just about as sick and I'm sure she doesn't avoid this place as much as I do.

Alec looks around and doesn't seem all that impressed, "Mundane hospitals…. Huh… It does seem a bit better than ours, but we have no need so much of this."

I chuckle glad that he doesn't seem to care for these places, but his reasoning is a bit ridiculous.

Cas chuckles as she looks at him, "Alec, your insitute could use a lot of the equipment that's in mundane hospitals, but you trust your runes far too much too heal any damage that has been done."

He nods his head as he looks at us, "That maybe true…. I'll have too talk to the Clave. We all fear what would happen with all that if we relied too much one one thing. Though with Magnus right now we rely too much on his magic than anything."

Her smile drops when we spot a woman that looks to be in her early 50s with her hand on her hip. Her light blonde hair obviously fake along with the rest of her. At her side is a small lil girl with long white hair and a bright air about her that seems a bit off. The woman looks our way and I take notice of her mud colored eyes narrowing while she looks our way. The lil girl though when she looks our way her bright blue eyes start to shine, but i take notice of a small spark of something that seems off.

"Mommy," she shouts as she runs at Cas catching me completely off guard.

"Hey, sweetie," she says as she scoops the girl up into her arms, "Sweetums, this is your uncle Magnus my younger brother and his fiance Alec."

She smiles at me and says in a sweet voice that wins me over, "I love your hair… and the glitter. It's so sparkly. Mommy, can I get glitter like that?"

Cas sighs as she looks at me with a lil bit of evil there, "Nope, I love your hair the way it is. Though we need to get you a haircut."

"I know that mommy… but eh other kids make fun of me. I mean I have white hair… what kind of kid has white hair?"

I frown slightly as my sister reaches up to run her hand through her hair, "A very special one. Now I would like you too say a real hello to your uncles?"

"Hi, I'm Melody Hunter," she says as she flashes an award winning smile at us, "it's nice too Meet you Uncle Magnus and Uncle Alec."

I smile as I boop her on the nose, "You can just call us Magnus and Alec, no need for that uncle bit. Though it's too bad we didn't bring our boys with us."

"Boys…" the lil girl tilts her head, but stops when her mother goes too set her down.

"Yes, your cousins. Magnus and Alec have 2 lil boys. One of which is your age. Sweetie, can you stay with Magnus and Alec while I go talk to grandma?"

She nods her head with a slight reassuring smile on her face, but when Cas is out of sight it falls. I watch Alec kneel down and the lil girl automatically jumps into her arms and lets a few tears slip by. We sit down and Alec holds the girl gently to him.

"Mel, what's wrong?" I ask her.

"Mommy, hates me. Why else did she leave me with grandma this week? Plus… I wasn't a good girl and daddy's gone."

I hear Alec gasp as he looks at her, "Who said that too you? Who said your daddy is gone cause you weren't good?"

I watch the young girl look away and I want too seriously hurt whoever said that too my lil niece. Who to me seems to be a young kind and beautiful girl who only cares for others.

"Grandma… She told me that when I started a 'huff' that daddy was gone cause of me and mommy."

I watch Alec pull the girl's head too his chest as he shh's her, "that's not true. Your daddy is gone cause he was very sick. Though he'll always be with you…. Like my lil brother will always be with me. He will always be in my memories and in my heart. Though he's no longer with me in person he's with me always in spirit and in that I'm grateful."

Though he's speaking to the now smiling little girl I almost feel like his words are meant for me. That he was saying no matter what in life or death he'll stay by my side.

"Uncle Magnus, why are you crying?"

I brush away my tears as I look at her, "I was just really touched by Alec's words."

She nods her head as she smiles, "Me too. I think I love you, Uncle Alec," the little girl gushed as she wraps her arms around his neck.

I watch him laugh and smile brightly as he pulls her too him and leans over towards me. She gets a nice firm hug and I get a kiss on the lips that only lasts a few seconds.

"Uncle Magnus, why don't you look like mommy?"

That question actually took longer than I thought it would. I mean I have been sitting with this adorable child for the last hour and she hadn't asked that til now. "We have different mothers. We're half siblings."

The lil girl's bright blue eyes seem to waver as she starts to think about what I had said, "So different mommies…."

I nod my head, "Yes, my mother was not her's but we have the same father."

She nods her head and mine hurts a lil bit with all the explaining I've had to do. I run my hand through her hair and slowly I work my hands through it as I slowly style it. Mel happily sits up when she realizes what I'm doing and she spends that time talking with Alec. He happily plays games with her. I smile thinking that Alec was made to work with children whether they are mundane, shadowhunter, or downworlder. He is absolutely perfect. If I could I'd spend the rest of my life with him, but I could never let that happen. I couldn't make him sit through eternity with me and watch everyone he loves dies. Yet I do not wish to leave our son alone. Max is my lil blueberry and I love him so much and I do not want him too life the same kind of lonely life that I had. Sure I've been surrounded by downworlders for a long while, but never felt truly loved. I never felt what I do when i'm around Alec and the kids…. Even his rather annoying family and friends. They have made these last few years almost the best things that I'd ever have even after being permanently banned from Peru which is a fun story…. One I have yet to tell Alec.

I watch as Cas walks over to us with a bit of a huff and tears in her eyes. I tie off Melody's hair and I tell her too go too her mother. I watch Melody quickly look at her mother and I can see the love and worry that's hidden deep in her eyes.

"She really loves her mother."

"For children like us we take what we are given praying for only love and happiness. That young girl is lucky that her mother is actually immortal as well. I hardly remember my mother if I had even known her at all I'm not sure. Warlock children sometimes our mothers die in children birth and are not lucky enough to know the feeling of love of family. The love and the care that I've had since I've known you. This is all thanks to you, Alexander." I watch his face turn a bit red and I chuckle as I look at him, "That's a cute look you have on your face. I'd love to keep it on there."

"Please stop there are children around here," I hear my sister say before she starts laughing at us.

I stick my tongue out at her and she laughs, "That's my lil brother. Though Magnus…. Is it alright if Melody and I stay with you and Alec for a short while?"

I nod my head, "Of course. As long as you're willing to help out when needed I have no problem with you staying with us."

She smiles at me and I happily look around as quickly open a portal to my home too push everyone through. As we walk through Melody seems too let go of the breath that she seemed to be holding. I watch her shoulders relax as she look around the room. I thought if anything she'd be a whole lot more nervous or excited not just relaxed.

Alec looks at her with a gentle smile then he looks at my sister, "So I'm guessing you'll be okay if you share the same room. The boys should be home later today so then Mel can meet them. I'm sure they can help with whatever. Though I have to ask… Does she know about the downworld?"

It takes Cas to answer, but when she does I'm a bit shocked, "Yes, though I was hoping she'd take after her father's mundane blood, but instead she is much like me. She was given white hair and eyes that remind of much of yours. She's a loving lil child that I'm afraid of the Clave finding out about."

Alec looks at me shocked, "What do they even know of your sister? I checked her file after you mentioned her and they didn't even know you were related to Magnus much less being able to have a child."

She smiles as she sits there stroking her daughter's head, "It's amazing what love and magic can do. From what I know I'm the first child of Lilith too have a child in a rather long time. It's supposed to be impossible. Though it's the second time I've given birth. My first time was twins. They had… died a long time ago, but I keep them close to my heart and mind. Though I have Melody now, but I'll do everything in my power to keep my lil one safe. So if the Clave don't know about her than she's safer."

I nod my head understanding where she's coming from and I look at Alec who looks like he wants to go back to sleep.

"Alec, are you sure you're alright?

"Magnus, I'm fine. I've told you this. I'm sure it was something rather simple."

"Well it's not like shadowhunters just get sick or something. Look Alec… it's not like I don't know anything about shadowhunters or even what they do. Alec it's not hard to figure out something isn't right and I think you know what it is."

I watch Alec look at me as he shrugs, "It's nothing. I guess I just wanted to try and do something different for once. It didn't work."

I grab his shoulders as I look at him, "What did you do?"

"Nothing, all I did was ask a friend about how too take care of the kids. Nothing else, but the other day she kind of pissed off her boyfriend… that's a warlock."

"What the hell did he do?"

"I'm not sure. All I know is a week or so later I felt like crap like I had the flu. This feeling though isn't going away. I have no idea what is wrong with me."

Cas looks at me worried and she then looks at Alec, "Who was the warlock?"

"I actually never met him. She told me that she had just started to date him though they had been friends for a while. She never told me anything though I've known her since we took in Blue. She helped me understand what you had a problem explaining. She'd dead before you ask… I didn't tell the Clave that I knew her cause then they would think they wouldn't be able to trust me all over again."

"It's alright, love. Let's just look you over and see what happened."

I watch my fiance nod his head and sets his head on my shoulder, "I've been so tired. Melinda, always complained like this when she was pregnant with her ex's lil boy."

I freeze up at the thought of Alec being pregnant and a small smile graces my lips. The thought of spending 9 months watching Alec's stomach grow with what would be our child. I shake my head as the thought of him being a man so there's a large possibility that I would lose him. That's scary.

Alec smiles at me as he pats my hand, "Maybe we should move up the date for the wedding mostly cause I can't wait to call you husband, my partner for my life and more."

I smile at him and wonder what I had done in my life too receive such a wonderful gift in my life. Though in all it doesn't matter cause he is all i could ever wish for in my life now that I know what i've spent most of my life wishes for and trying to conjure up like it was all i could ever possibly do.


	5. Ch5- Alec

Ch.5- Alec's Patrol Night

To think that I was stupid enough to let all of this happen. I should have made Alec go to the doctors or let me check his health in general, but no he had to be a pain in my butt like it was nothing.

"Magnus, it's nothing," he shouts at me once again.

I see Cass and Mel looking around the corner before they seem to sigh in their pain of watching this fight all over again.

"Magnus it would not matter if we talked about my deal."

I send my sister a dirty look that simply told her to shut up and Alec looked a bit confused, but he didn't push to ask any questions. It's quiet and there's no sound going from any of the rooms occupants until we hear the giggling and screeching of Alec and my 2 little boys coming back from their visit to the institute. Blue as always when he comes back from his visit at the Institute he's excited and has to tell all of us all about it. Alec sighs as he looks at his watch that I'd gotten for him and I know it's his patrol night again and I'll be cuddled up with the boys on the couch in the living room most of the night cause they want to make sure that their father is able to make it home safely.

I watch Alec kiss the boys goodbye and he hugs me tightly in his arms as if it'd be the last time before he gives me a quick but filled with emotion kiss that tells me everything that I'd ever need to know. As he leaves the apartment with Jace, Izzy sits down on the couch with us. Mel is sitting by her mother with her glamour that's needed down attached to her mother's side. She has the Cas' locket around her neck as she fiddles with it as she looks at Izzy with a slight distaste and not just cause the way she's dressed. Izzy seems confused since a lot of people like her, "What's with the look princess?"

I smile as I watch Mel look away and her fiddling seems to speed up a lil bit. Cas sighs as she looks at her daughter, "Mel, use your manners what would daddy say."

"Well he's dead," shocking everyone at her outburst she marched to the room the pair had been using the last week.

I wince as I move over to my sister wrapping my arms around her tightly kissing her forehead, "It's alright. It's something we warlocks get used to."

I watch little blue being led out of the room by his brother and I know they'll be having a little talk.

"I know that Magnus. I know more than you know. I don't know how many people I've let myself get attached to in this world only to lose. Yet I remember all their names. I remember them as if they're seared into my brain and I don't want that for my daughter. I didn't want that for you, but only warlocks and vampires are in a way immortal and it's not as cracked up as people think. I've lost her father more times than I can count, but I guess I did do that reincarnation spell to without thinking. I just don't want her to end up doing something that she'll regret. You can't bring back the dead and you can't stop death unless you want consequences."

"Well, why not have him become a vampire?" Izzy asks eve though I know she's a bit lost, "I'm guessing you 2 had adopted little Mel though she looks a lot like you, Cas."

I look at my sister's schooled blank expression as she stares at the bedroom door where we know her daughter is sitting right behind.

"No, she's my flesh and blood and I'd want it no other way. Mel… she's my daughter and she was his daughter. I'm thankful that he'll be reborn, but sometimes he doesn't remember certain lives so what if in cruelty he doesn't remember her."

Izzy is silent watching the woman that's across of her…. "I might not know what's best for the 2 of you without children of my own or even as long of a life as you've lived, but I don't think life would be that cruel to you. Cassandra, even if he forgets you and your daughter will make him remember. She might be young, but we all hold onto our most precious memories to our chests. If anything makes a little locket like your own for her."

Cas smiles as she opens her hand and a swirl of blue leaves it as a locket falls into her hand. She smiles as she stares at the simple but beautiful locket, "It was Arthur's locket. A present from his grandmother when she had fallen ill when he was a child. It was his most important item." with that Cas gets up and leaves the room for her bedroom slowly knocking on the door before she kneels before it and talking through it to her daughter hoping that'll she'll open up.

Izzy is watching along with me, but she cuts me from my trance of watching them by clearing her throat, "She's flesh and blood. Did she make a deal or something? I heard there are a few demons that'd create children only for them to be their own little weapons."

I shake my head, "it's nothing like that. She somehow became pregnant without the use of magic and thus her little girl was born. Aren't you supposed to be in your lab tonight?"

Looking at her watch she curses as she looks at me, "I won't tell a soul about Mel, but realize they will found out sooner or later. Sure, Alec has changed so much paving the way for downworlder rights doesn't mean that they've changed all that much at the institute as they try to make people think."

Sighing I lean back looking into my boys' room, "I know that Iz and that's why I hope that my boys will still pave their own path not caring what old stuck up shadowhunters think of them. I want them to always stick together no matter what. I want them to rely on each other even when one is gone."

Izzy moves over to sit by me as she wraps me in her arms, "I know it's more than the boys that you worried about, Magnus. Even in death, Alec would never leave your side and he'd never leave lil Blue's side either. He loves Max almost more than he loves you. Max is his lil angel no matter what age he'll be at."

I smile as Raph tells Max something and as I've seen he do a bit before Blue starts creating what looks like runes with his magic. Slowly the runes start turning into other shapes of animals and cartoon characters that the 2 of them love at the moment. I slowly get up and take a video on my phone while taking lil pictures as well of this moment like I had the last time. Izzy pats my shoulder as she makes her way out and I smile at her as she leaves. She blows me a kiss and points to the boys' room and I nod my head.

I go into our living room where I turn on the television until the boys decide that they want to curl up with me while we'd wait for Alec to get home. When they do finally come out of their room and curl up with me I change it to the most recent cartoon that had caught their eye and as it starts to play Mel comes out and curls up next to Raph. Cas sits on the other couch and simply watches her daughter's interaction with my sons.

"Do the boys do this everytime Alec is out?"

I nod my head as I move my hands to stroke both my sons' heads, "Yeah, it started the first time Alec had been hurt after we took the boys in they were so scared that they'd lose him that everytime he'd be out they couldn't sleep or they'd have nightmares so this routine started up. I know they need to grow out of it, but their father means so much to them."

"I can see that, but aren't you also their father, Magnus?"

"I am, but I hardly leave them more than a day and when I do I call every couple hours to check to see how everyone is doing. Alec picks on me that I have separation anxiety. Though I can't fight with that."

I feel Raph hit my arm, "Dad, be quiet they're having a boss battle."

I chuckle as I nod my head as I kiss the top of his head, "Alright, Auntie Cas and I will wait until your other dad gets home."

He nods his head as he snuggles closer to my side, but Blue is basically already sitting in my lap with his arms wrapped around my neck. I smile as I kiss Blue's forehead as well to watch a sweet lil smile appear on his happy lil face. I watch my sister in the corner of my eye as I know she's doing the same for me.

As the show ends Raph takes the other children's' hands and leads them to the side of the room to give the adults some form of privacy.

"They're smart children even though they want another episode," I tell my sister and just ask her right out, "Cas, something is bothering you what is it?"

"Mel… she hates me for letting her father die. Even though he made me promise never to use my magic on him…. He even told me not to let our daughter be part of this world, but what choice does she have when she has a great talent for magic at her age. I wanted her to be human so she wouldn't have to deal with the prejudice against downworlders."

"Cas, she'd find that anywhere in the world. No matter what she'd turn out to be if she'd be different in some way there would be some asshole telling her whatever comes to their mind."

With a sigh my sister looks at me, "I know Magnus… it's just I don't want that for her. I don't want that for anyone, but it's in our nature, isn't it. No matter where she goes or what she does she'll have to deal with that. Your boys will have to deal with that."

I simply lean back and nod my head, "That's true, but there is good in the world. I was so used to being used for my magic that when I met Alec I was shocked that all he really wanted was me. Sure, it was useful, but he didn't truly care for that. He once told me that all he needed was me and since then he's been spending his time proving just that. Though with the boys it changed our lil dramatic a lil bit."

"He sounds lovely just like Arthur has always been. Though I'd really like to know what made ti so dark hair and blue eyes become a thing for you."

I look at her and huff, "It was a young man I had met shortly after you. I think I was 16 or so. He didn't care what I looked like he said he wanted just me, but sadly that love didn't last very long for he was killed for loving a monster like me."

Cas gasps as she slowly shakes her head, "That's horrible. Though that young man sounds lovely and a lot like your special lil Alec."

We spend time trading stories than simply telling stories to the children of the adventures that we've enjoyed in our long life. We hear the stairs leading the apartment creek under feet and watch as Alec enters the apartment finally sighing when he sees we're all awake, but I can tell it's just a show. He's happy to see that we have kept to our routine and that we're the first faces he sees after his time out on patrol. As he makes his way over Alec gasps in pain placing his hand over his chest as he slowly makes his way to the ground, but then he makes an ungraceful plop to the ground where he doesn't move.

I race over trying to use magic to heal him as Cas helps. I know I'm freaking out so maybe my magic isn't working right, but Alec I need him and no matter what it'll always be like that.


	6. Ch6- Do Shadowhunters Need a Hospital

_**Ch.6- Do Shadowhunters Need a Hospital**_

We spend time trading stories than simply telling stories to the children of the adventures that we've enjoyed in our long life. We hear the stairs leading the apartment creek under feet and watch as Alec enters the apartment finally sighing when he sees we're all awake, but I can tell it's just a show. He's happy to see that we have kept to our routine and that we're the first faces he sees after his time out on patrol. As he makes his way over Alec gasps in pain placing his hand over his chest as he slowly makes his way to the ground, but then he makes an ungraceful plop to the ground where he doesn't move.

I race over trying to use magic to heal him as Cas helps. I know I'm freaking out so maybe my magic isn't working right, but Alec I need him and no matter what it'll always be like that.

"Magnus, you need to calm down. Our magic doesn't seem to be healing him so I need you to take your phone and call 911. Can you do that for me?"

I slowly nod my head, but I end up asking her as I take out my phone, "Can't we just use a portal to get him there?"

"We can't risk moving him. Now do something before the boys wake up. Mel can't hold that spell for long."

I call 911 telling them where I live and everything they tell me to stay on the line and they'll talk me through anything that needs to be done before the ambulance gets there. I'm not sure how long that takes, but Cas seems to be the only one that's clear minded. I use a lil bit of magic to glamour Max and a whole lot more to get him to calm down. Not counting to calm me down as well. I knew falling in love with a mortal was dangerous, but shadowhunters don't need hospitals from what I know.

"Raph, try to see if you can get his healing rune to work at all," Cas tells my son.

Raph tries and nothing seems to be working except Alec isn't jerking around and his eyes aren't as fuzzy. Cas is rubbing his shoulders as she gently tries to keep him on his side. She's talking to him in a nice calm voice. While I'm just sitting on the other side with my phone on speaker on my hand and taking turns rubbing my boy's backs trying to keep them calm.

"He's alright, Magnus. I can just feel a headache and some confusion, but that's about it. He's fine if anything the biggest thing is he's really tired, but we have to try to keep him awake just in case he has a concussion."

"Can shadowhunters even get those?"

Cas shrugs at me, "I'm not sure. It's uncommon for them to have regular human ailments, but who knows what's going on right now. Let's just hope for the best."

"I knew I should have looked him over more after he said that warlock had hit him with some kind of spell, but I took his word that he was alright."

Cas sighs as she looks at me, "You're alright and so will he. Alec is strong this will roll right off of him. Is there someone who works at the hospital that will be able to help us?"

"Yeah, an old friend of mine Cat. I'll call her…" I look down glad I had muted the phone without much of a thought, "Can I use your phone?"

"Sure," she hands me her phone without much of a thought.

I call Catarina and she answers after the 3rd try with a growl, "Who is this and what do you want?"

"Is that a way to talk to me, Cat?"

I hear her groan, "What do you want, Magnus?"

"Well they'll be bringing Alec in soon and I need you Cat."

"Oh shit… Alright, I think I know the driver and that I'll tell them I'll take care of all of this and… I'll see you in a bit Mags."

I'm not sure how we survive the ride in the ambulance with Alec. I'm holding my boys close to me. While Cas said she was going to portal herself there in a lil bit. I remember the Lightwood family and call Izzy up quickly.

"Izzy, I need you to meet me at the hospital," quick to the point.

I hear my boys whimper and I start shushing them as I wrap my arms tighter around them.

"What do you mean? What happened?"

"We don't know, but Alec is being taken there and it's not good. Look I'll explain when you get there alright."

I hang up so I don't have yet another breakdown with my boys nearby. They don't need to worry more than they already are. I know that they want to press for answers, but they're being quiet. So I keep rubbing their backs.

Though I'm surprised that it takes so long for Max to start asking how his daddy will be.

"Don't worry, my lil blueberry. Daddy will be alright. There's nothing to worry about he's too stubborn to let this beat him."

"What of you, dad?" Raph asks.

I freeze up as I look at him and it hits me… I've been focusing so much on Alec hoping that I wouldn't take in my own state of mind. Alec is all that matters and my boys need me to be calm. Though inside I have a million questions and scenarios.

"Raph, I'm alright. We just need to worry about daddy right now."

He nods his head as he curls up on my side. Though I watch him in the corner of my eye wrap his hands around Max as if it's his second nature. I smile as I card my hand through his hair.

When we finally get to the ER Cat is the nurse there waiting for us. She quickly takes us to the side.

The thought of blowing something up with how frustrated I am with how we're waiting is ridiculous, but I calm down slightly when I watch Kat walk towards us. Cas seems to be a bit relieved herself not that it really shows at all. The boys and Mel are curled up on one of the couches across from us sleeping with how they worked themselves out worrying.

Though the look on Cat's face worries me a bit, "Magnus, I need you to be calm for this. Can you do that?" I nod my head and Cas takes my hand into her own. She sighs as she starts to tell me all that had happened how Alec had a seizure and we're lucky we had activated the healing rune when we had, or it could have been worse. The rune can't do much else, but prevent another seizure or anything from happening again. She said it was the lil bit of the curse that had hit Alec that had caused this. The spell is no longer in his system and he should be safe from that, but there might be some after effects from the spell. They're keeping him overnight to keep a close eye on him. You should have one of his siblings come here to activate the rune ever few hours to make sure his condition doesn't worsen until he's out of trouble."

"Where the hell is my brother?" I hear Izzy's voice shout making me cringe but Cat doesn't even flinch probably used to things like this happening in her hospital.

"Can you grab her before she causes trouble for us… plus wake up the children they need the sleep."

I nod as I walk over to Izzy pulling her over to where we're sitting and Cat tells her what she told me.

Cas wraps her arms around me, "He's alright that's all that matters. He's out of complete trouble."

"That might be true, but this happened cause I listened to him saying it was nothing. He could have died and my magic couldn't do anything for him."

Cas winces as she sadly nods her head, "I know Magnus better than anyone wanting to use magic to help those that you love and nothing seems to work or they don't want it. All you can do is make their lives as comfortable as possible and hope that they get over it. If not just letting them know just how much you love them."

I nod my head as I sit there then I have Izzy's arms wrapped tightly around me, "Magnus, I'm so sorry."

I shake my head as I feel tears fall from my eyes as I grip her tightly, "No, I should be the one saying that I shouldn't have listened to him. I should have done a better check."

I feel Izzy shake her head as she wraps her arms around me tighter, "No, don't' you dare think like that. Plus Alec will seriously beat you up if you say anything else like that and I'll help."

I chuckle since I know she's telling the truth even with how much Alec loves me. It's also with how much I love him as well. It's just I can't help, but to think that if I had just done everything I could to make sure he was alright it'd all be alright.

Izzy grabs my hand and looks at Cas, "How about I take the boys back to see Alec and show them that he's alright?"

I nod my head, "Can I take them back and when we leave you can go back to see him?"

She nods as she pushes me towards Kat, "Cas do you want to see him?"

She shakes her head, "Just take the boys with you and check on Alec. I'll meet you back home, but I need to check on my shop when you get back I think there are somethings I forgot to order."

I nod my head smiling slightly at her, 'I'll see you at home."

She picks up sleeping Mel gently in her hands as she heads out and I know portal home when she gets to a safe spot to do so."

As we walk into Alec's hospital room. Alec is slightly awake so he smiles at me as I walk into the room with our 2 boys in my arms.

"Say night to daddy and then we can head home."

My boys nod their heads as they walk over to Alec, "Love you, Daddy. We want to stay but Ph̀x (Pa)," I smile gently at my son knowing that Alec told them to call me father in Indonesian to help me get over my fears of what kind of father I would be to our boys, "says that you need rest. We'll be here right away in the morning," Raph tells Alec as he leans over kissing Alec's cheek.

I smile as Raph helps lift Max up to help him kiss Alec's cheek as well. I walk over to them as I kiss their foreheads before I kiss Alec. I watch a small smile grace his lips until it fades into something neutral as he seems to slip deeper into his sleep.

I lean over again to kiss his cheek and whisper while hiding my tears from my boys, "I love you, Alec. So please get better and fast so you can help me with the boys. Raph is going to be 9 soon and Lil blue is already 7 what would I do without you. I need you for so much more than raising the boys cause you've made my bleak life so much bright and pleasant compared to the 400 years I lived without knowing you. You are my life Alec and you are my soul."

I stand up as I take my boys' hands leading them out of their father's room after they give him one more kiss until we leave with some fighting with them.

"Phx (Pa), will daddy be alright? We can't lose him. I don't want to lose more," Raph asks me with teary eyes.

I smile gently knowing that he has a vague memory of how he came to Alec and my care. He knows that he lost his real parents in a battle we had against Sebastian and every once in awhile he'll have nightmares screaming out for his parents though now they're pretty gone. Rare these days, but I fear that he might have nightmares with Alec being in the hospital like this.

I kneel down as I kiss his forehead looking into my son's eyes after, "Raph, we won't lose daddy. Even if we ever do he is a part of us forever. He is a part of our very souls no matter what happens in the future you'll have him. I'll make sure of that. Do you 2 want me to talk to aunt Cas to make you 2 a locket like she has?"

They look at me as they nod.

Max is looking at with wide eyes, "So daddy will be alright?"

I look at Max, "I'm not sure,lil Blue. All I know is he needs his family so tomorrow we'll be spending it here so he knows just how much we love him."

Blue looks at me with watery eyes along with his brother as they try not to cry as they tell me, "I want to stay here with daddy."

I shake my head, "You can't tonight, but auntie Izzy is staying with him and if anything changes she'll give us a call."

They start crying even more as they look at me, "But we want to stay with daddy. Daddy needs us now!"

We've only made it to the waiting room so they're quite a few people staring at us with pity.

I pull my boys into my arms tightly as I once again hide my tears from my boys, "I know boys. He needs us more than we need him at the moment, but I need to 2 home so you can rest up so you can be as helpful as possible tomorrow. How about we make something for daddy when we get home so we can bring it to him first thing in the morning?"

They look at me with teary eyes as they nod.

Lil blue looks at me with bright eyes, "First thing? So right away then? Does making daddy something mean that it'll help him get better?"

I look at my lil boy as I look into his bright questioning eyes, "I'm sure it'll help daddy a lot, but we won't know until we try."

Lil Blue asks me another questioning, "What if we use magic?"

I shake my head not sure how to tell him that my magic didn't really help him at all when I had tried, "I'm sure we could try later, but now we need to leave him so the nurses and doctors can give it a try. Alright, boys. Let's get to bed then it'll be sooner we'll be back to see daddy and give him our lil presents."

They nod and we leave the hospital we make it to a small empty spot where no one can see us so I portal us home where Cas has some art supplies ready for us. I let the image and sounds of them making something for Alec take my mind off that I might lose my very soul if anything happens to Alec.

"Magnus, I know that life is hard and we all don't know what to do, but just be there for him


	7. Ch7-Making Presents and Breakfast Talks

Ch.7-Making Presents and Breakfast Talks

We've been sitting around the coffee table with construction paper and other craft supplies splayed out. I watch as my boys draw and cut pieces of paper to glue back together. It's kind of cute to watch the lil one's talk of which colors and what their ideas are for their art they're making for Alec. When I finally call it quits an hour later the boys didn't want to sleep in their room again. So to find myself wrapped around my 2 young boys is surprising hard thing to do without the feel of Alec doing so as well. I feel the tears fall from my eyes a little bit at a time.

"Pa, when is daddy getting back home?"

I take a deep breath to calm myself petting lil Blue's hair, "I'm not sure, Blue, but I'm sure he'll be home soon enough."

"Whens that?" Raph asks.

"I'm not sure, Raph. We just have to hope that daddy will get better. That's all we can do."

"We can't use magic, but we can give him hope."

The boys look at each other before blue shrugs wrapping his arms around his brother. I smile as I rub their backs as they both find a way to wrap around me. I start to hum a lil lullaby that I remember my mother singing. I don't remember the words but the tune will forever stay with me. As they fall asleep I can't help but to think of Alec and how he was the first person to truly give me a gift for just being a gift without having an ulterior motive behind it.

I didn't sleep well that night I kept waking up from nightmares that I thought I'd never had to deal with again. The nightmares of being left alone in this world. A dream where I lost Alec and our boys. The last time I woke up during the night Cas and Mel were on either side of us wrapping us up in their arms. It was almost like when she was with me when I was a child and my mother's husband tried to kill me. I remember she'd hum me a lullaby telling me to be strong and how I'd be happy sooner than I'd think. She'd tell me that I'm not alone and that the world is filled with people like us and how we're never alone no matter what happens.

"Phx, wake up," I hear Raph tell me while trying to shake me awake.

I nod my head, "Give me a minute."

"Nope, I know what that means. It's time to get up and see daddy."

I groan as I look over to see the time, "It's barely 6in the morning. Visitors aren't allowed to come in until about 8."

I hear the boy sigh and I groan, "How about we eat, get dressed, and see where we find ourselves. We are running on only 4-6 hours of sleep little ones."

They simply nod their heads and we all find ourselves glaring at the clock as we make our way to the kitchen to find Mel and Cas making breakfast. Though I mostly do a dance in thanks for the wonderful mug of coffee that Cas hands me as she pushes me down into a chair at the table.

I sigh in relief as I sip the coffee, but it's not as good as Alec's when he finally started to understand my coffee maker. It was a funny little week since you'd think he'd know how to work it, but no it was too fancy. I chuckle as I think of it, but it slowly stops as I find myself looking at the mirror that's in front of me. I look like I've seen most monster movies that the boys love than anything. I do a little magic to clean my face. I stare at the makeup-free face that Alec has told me time and time again I should show more often cause I'm a lot more beautiful without it. I chuckle as I stare at myself debating if I want to do anything as I look at Max. My lil blueberry sitting there eating his blueberry pancakes like they're the last thing he might eat, but he stops as he looks at the place, "Daddy, used to put strawberries in as well."

My heart clenches and from the sound of Raph's fork hitting the plate, his does as well.

"Max, you're cousin and aunt are trying to help out as much as they can."

My 7year old warlock that I've been raising since he was a small little thing stares at me with tears in his eyes. Tears that match his brother's. My boys have always been strong, but at times like this, I always remember that they are simply children and they rely on Alec and me not just for financial things such as clothes, necessities, and a roof over their heads. Our boys rely on us for support emotionally and when we fall apart so do they. When they are to fall apart we are to stand strong and hold the pieces together.

"Magnus, I forgot to say I'm happy to hear the boys speak a little of your native tongue."

I know she's watching my body go rigid, but I feel Alec's hands on my shoulders, "Yeah, Alec and I had thought it would be nice for the boys to also know where their parents came from. Plus Alec is dad and daddy so I didn't know what I would be. One day when I was holding Max he had started to giggle and shouted Pa truthfully it scared me a lil bit. When I told Alec he had a little smile at how excited I was about this. I thought for a while I'd be Mags or Magnus in our children's eyes."

Cas chuckles, "I don't think that would ever happen. Do you know how long I ran away from speaking Latin for the longest time, especially in a time when all bibles and such were in Latin. It was hard for me and hard time to simply be alive."

Mel is staring at her hands and as she looks up I finally meet her eye's true color of a bright purple. She smiles gently at us as she sits down.

"Mommy said you were always like her learning all the languages that you could as you traveled, but you never really liked your native tongue or homeland."

I nod my head, "That's true, but we both had different reasons I'm sure."

Cas chuckles as she looks at me, "Magnus, like yourself my mother was married even in a time where it was popular to have more than 1 lover. I was born with fully eye eyes and sharp teeth. My mother's husband had abused me in more ways than 1… truthfully in all 3 types he had touched base and I closed off the side of me that's human and brought forth the demon side. I turned to hate the… I forgot if they were Greek or Romans at the time, but truthfully they are the same to me."

Raphael looks at her in wonder while Max looks a bit sad.

Raph thankfully speaks before his brother, "Did you have something to do with Pompeii?"

Cas laughs as she shrugs, "I didn't have a lot to do with it. I truthfully liked a few people that lived there, but the others that did were angry at the people of Rome and wanted to get payback on them. Which is where I learned it's better to let go of your anger." She looks at Max, "What's wrong, sweetie?"

"Did they get rid of me cause I'm a warlock…. Cause I'm blue with horns.

I pull Max into my arms, "Who cares, you have 2 parents that love you more than anything Max and to tell you my friend Ragnor was green with horns. He was rather liked back in the day."

"Really?" Max asks excitedly.

I nod my head, "Yes, when he wasn't being called a sea monster back in the early 1700's."

Max chuckles as he stares over at me, "That's funny. Where is he?"

I stop and smile sadly, "He died a bit before we found you, Max. Though I miss the little cabbage a lot, the pain gets better as I remember him."

"By keeping the memories alive?"

I chuckle as I nod my head, "Yes."

I watch as Max's mood lightens as Mel, him, and Raph leaves the table after being excused. I smile sadly as I watch them. I barely take notice of Cas filling up my coffee and setting down a plate for me. I push it away as I grab the coffee tightly in my hands.

"Magnus, what's wrong?"

"Everyone leaves me eventually, Cas. My lovers never last and Knowing that Alec is mortal, but this love that I feel for him is something that I've never felt in my life. Max's face when we both mentioned our bad pasts was gut wrenching. Did you see Mel's face? Even with us as parents, they have seen a lot of bad. How am I supposed to tell Max anyways that his mother was more than likely human who was raped by a demon?"

"You don't, Magnus. Max is a bright boy and he probably already knows. Yet our mother's loved us. Sure when they realized what we were, they feared us."

"My killed herself when my warlock mark appeared," I tell her.

My sister stares at me, "I know. Mine used me to gain entrance into temples and palaces until she died. My white eyes appeared shortly after birth. I think someone had said I was kissed by the gods, but when my teeth start to come in sharp slowly people started to think I was truly a daughter of a monster and the gods wanted it to be known. I was hunted like an animal for about 10 or 20 years of my life before I learned how to use and control my magic enough to survive. When I started to meet more warlocks with stories a lot like my own I decided that I would travel around the world looking to help wayward warlocks. Then I started meeting ones that had the same parent as mine. I figured help everyone that I can as long as they deserve it."

"Seemed to work out for you."

I chuckle, "That it had. That it had. Luckily after all the bad luck I had things had started to turn around. Things always get worse before they get better you just can never be sure just how long that worse will be. Mags everything will be alright you'll see."

I smile as I nod my head knowing that she's right, but I just don't think I can stand losing Alec… at least not yet.

Cas looks at me, "I know that look I see it all the time when I'm with Arthur. Magnus, think of the best and think of how much you 2 love each other."

"When you did that spell did you know what it'd do?"

"I had no idea. I just wanted to save him and I had no idea what my spell had done. It wasn't until about 50 years later when I ran into him again. I was surprised but so happy. He was in his mid-twenties by then. Though when I saw him again I knew who he was. He had the same scar on his neck that he had all those years ago. It was funny seeing him again I felt as if I had been punched in the gut."

I look at her, "Was it like when you found out you were pregnant?"

She gives me a look, "Both times. I thought there was some kind of screw up or something like in those comics that Arthur loved to read. Mel was dragged into them so I have a feeling we might have to get a special room for it."

"Where do you live anyways?"

"A small country home in Germany or the country home in Canada… I have homes all over the world for a cool writer like me."

Is there anything else that you do?"

She shakes her head, "Nah, though I'm a stingy warlock much like yourself, I like writing and why not make money off it. Quite a bit of money too."

I chuckle, "Maybe I should try that."

"Well, it's a bit hard to deal with since I have to go through a warlock that owns a company and keep changing the name I go by every about 40 or so years."

"That still sounds like you have a lot of fun in doing this, Cas."

"That may be true, but I wish that I had a normal life so I could live with Arthur and Melody. It would be a life that would be filled with riches beyond my imagination all cause I'd have the love that warlocks like us always wish for."

I nod my head, "A life like that would be lovely. A life with Alec and the kids would be something to behold. A gift that I had wished for every day and without much thought I was given. I had spoken so badly of Maryse and other shadowhunters and I find myself in love with one much less a Lightwood."

Cas laughs a little bit as she looks at me. I can tell all her years of sadness is bottled up inside.

"Magnus, I know how you are really. I know the last time I truly spent a lifetime with a mortal lover you went a bit crazy. It was my fault that lover of yours, but she didn't mean to you as much as the young boy you fell in love with when you were younger. The boy with pale skin, dark hair, and eyes bluer than the clearest waters. The boy who had pulled you from the depths of the water and killed him."

I nod my head holding back my tears of the boy who was my first love. A boy who's name I barely remember most days and an image that haunts my dreams. "He was everything that Alec is and Alec is still so much more than he ever was. The boy who saved my life and pulled me from the water. Yet he only died a few months later when someone from the village had him killed all cause he helped me a child of a demon. Now, Cas I believe it's time to take my children to go see their father and hope beyond hope that Alec will pull through."

Cas nods her head, "I'd go with, but I believe I have to fight with my now ex-mother-in-law about my daughter. If you will take Mel with you I don't want that hag near my daughter any more than she needs to be."

"Of course, I'll take her. Boys get ready then we can go to see Daddy."

It's a matter of seconds and the boys are standing in front of me and I chuckle as I look at them.


	8. Ch8- If Only

Opening a portal to the hospital much like last time I know probably isn't the safest thing to do, but all 4 of us wanting to go it's a must. We find our way to the nurses' desk on Alexander's floor and I can't help but feel myself stiffen as I hear a code blue is in effect in Alexander's room. I want to tell myself and the kids that it's whomever he's sharing a room with, but I paid for a private room. I hold the kids off and I watch as Cat comes our way.

"He's alright for now, but he's not of the woods. Magnus, we've done everything that we can and I even tried some magic last night and nothing it working. Right now I'd say pray and hope for the best."

I nod my head as I hold back the tears threatening to fall from my eyes. I look at the children and then Cat as I ask, "Can we go in to see him?"

Cat seems conflicted before she nods, "He's resting right now thankfully, but with the kind of pain he's in there's not much else we can do about this until we can find out what exactly happened. Anyways I'm sorry, but my shift is over and Madzie is waiting for me at home. I'll bring her by later. I'm sorry, Magnus, but you should steel yourself for losing him far earlier than you had planned."

I nod my head as I lead the kids into Alec's room. I watch as they find their ways onto the bed. They start acting like he's awake showing him the art they had done for him and how they wished for him to get better as soon as possible. I look around as I closed the door and the blinds waving my hand as a bouquet appears. It's made up of pink camellia (flame of my heart), pink carnations (I'll never forget you), red and white Chrysanthemum , and a mixture of roses all different colors and all thornless (love at first sight, perfect happiness, I'll always remember you, worthy of you, and love) for my love for him. Though I hated it so much when he told me I had a single stem of a moon orchi d the same flower I remember my mother loving so much and the single blossom that boy from long ago had placed in my hand when he had helped me. A flower that is a reminder of my past and what I want to stay buried there, but with Alexander nothing stays buried and he has never once thought of me as a monster or simply inhuman.

The boys and Mel are giving me a look, "Uncle Magnus, why are you crying? Isn't uncle Alec gonna get better? Mommy said that you 2 would never be separated."

I hold back my tears listening to the even slow beep of Alec's heart monitor, "I'm sure he'll get better, but I'm just very worried about him. You see I love him very much and he's my whole world."

Mel seems to get a thoughtful look on her face as she looks up at me, "You look at him like momma did with daddy. She loved him very much, but then he got sick and her magic couldn't make him better…. Now I don't have a daddy anymore. Mommy said I'd see him again, but he's still gone and I'm not sure when I'll see him again." Mel's face changes to something of determination, "I won't let anyone take Uncle Alec away from you. You deserve happiness and you will have it."

I bite my tongue for whatever word vomit that would come from my mouth as I take the chair next to the bed. I carefully reach over and take Alec's hand and realize just how cold it is along with how sickly pale he looks. I place his hand to my lips thinking and not sure what I can even say.

"Papa, what will we do if we lose daddy?" Max asks me and I look into the blue eyes of my son and I can't come up with anything that can make him feel better.

Raf saves me, "We'll live with him in our heart always and we'll be great just like he knows we will be."

I smile not able to hold my tears back anymore. I watch as Izzy walks into the room and how careful the boys are getting off the bed, but the speed they do it as well can't make me any prouder. Izzy looks at me and sighs, "Did you get any sleep last night?"

I shake my head, "I'm not sure. I think we had, but it's barely been a day and I feel like it's been an eternity. I want Alec to get better and I just keep being told that I need to be patient. I can't though. I can't be patient. I've lost too many people in my 800 years Isabelle and I don't want to lose anyone else."

Isabelle looks at the children before she pulls out some money, "How about you get some candy and check with Uncle Jace and Auntie Clary for a little bit. I'm gonna cheer up Mags okay."

Mel nods her head and all I can think of as a soldier that's taking orders. She grabs one of each of my boy's hands pulling them from the room. I watch them leave and I simply stare at them.

"Magnus, I need you to talk to me. I know there's more going on in that pretty little head," Isabelle just about pleads me something she probably has never truly done in her life with these true emotions.

"I'm worried about Alec, Isabelle. I've taken many lovers over my lifetime and I've lost probably, even more, people, but your brother is different. He sees me as something almost heavenly as if I hung the moon, the sun, and all the stars in the sky just for him. The truth is if I could I would do such a thing for him a thousand times over. I know my sister gave me options but I don't want him to face a life of being reborn or immortality now and lose you and everyone else he has ever loved. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place waiting for one to move to set me free or finally end this suffering. I know what I got into when I started seeing him. I think my mourning period will be far worse than any lover that I've lost."

Izzy seems to be thinking over what she'll say as she makes her way to the other side of her brother, "I know all of this Mags. I know about your life. We've sat up late into the night and almost into the next morning. I can tell you that like you said to the boys Alec will always be with you no matter what. Whatever choice you'd pick he'd be happy to accept. Sure he'd miss us all, but since he's started seeing you he's wanted nothing, but your happiness and he's always thought he'd had to just give you the best years and then some that he could. When he thought you never wanted to see him again and even left that stupid little message… he has crushed Mags and in that time he understood why you tried to leave while you could, but you neither of you could leave the other alone. You 2 are meant to be. If only life was that kind."

I nod my head kissing Alec's hand again feeling him waking up already as he tries to squeeze my hand, "Whatever, you pick I will always love you," I hear him gasp out before the machines start blaring and his hand starts to slacken.

I shoot up over him shaking him screaming, "Don't you dare leave me, Alexander Gideon Lightwood. We still need to get married you hear me."

Nurses have to pry me from the room and I'm faced with my sister and her tearful eyes, "I can do a small spell right now to give you time to give each other your vows and exchange rings if you want. I even know a preacher that owes me one or you can choose 1 of the options I gave you."

I shake my head and my sister sighs as she waves her hand and the machines start to become regular and I can hear a faint gasp from Alec. I nod my head letting tears fall from my eyes, "Umm…. can we get married and I'll pick. I'll pick."

My sister nods her head as she pulls me into her arms, "Go inside and talk with him. I'm sure an early goodbye might be in order."

My sister knows me too well she knows that I won't pick any of her options cause I can't tie Alec to me any more than I have already. Thought I can't decide what's right and wrong. It's so hard to let go and listen to what my heart is telling me. Up till now, I've always ignored my heart and now I've realized that there's always been a piece of me missing that's perfectly shaped for Alec… If only life was kinder. Every word and every exchange I fall even deeper into this hole I dug myself way before I truly met, Alexander Gideon Lightwood.

I walk into the room to face a rather weak smile, but it's still probably one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. I sit done next to him taking his hand in my own.

"Magnus, I'm going to die aren't I," he more so states and I know from the look in his eyes he's already accepted it.

Still, I answer him, "Yes, the doctor's don't know why but your heart is shutting down and they can't get a transplant to you in time."

I watch a grimace of a smile grace his lips as he tries to sit up more making me shoot to his side. When I do this his eyes soften even though there's a strong hint of sadness.

"Magnus, when I leave I want you to go to my desk and there'll be a letter written for you. I change and add to it every year there's 1 for you, Blue, Raf, and Cat. I gave my siblings there's about a year ago cause there are nothing insides there's that they don't already know, but I need you all to read your letters and know that I love you."

I try to keep my tears at bay as I nod my head, "Of course. Cas right now is getting a preacher for we can get married and she even helped me with another surprise that I've been working on with our marriage."

I watch a small weak smile grace his lips, "I'm supposed to be wearing a hospital gown for my wedding. I chuckle as I call everyone inside his room.

Cas wraps me in her arms stroking my hair, "You're not alone anymore, little brother." She lets me go as she looks at Alec with a beautiful secret smile graced her lips, "Well Preacher Wilson is on his way along with someone else. Now, what will we do about clothing."

I look around to realize that we truly aren't dressed for any sort of wedding. Cas and I exchange looks and we find ourselves in wedding attire. Alec is wearing a regular tux with a white suit jacket and the boys match their father. I wave my hand and Blue's glamor is gone. Izzy is wearing a beautiful golden dress with her hair is stylish 1920's bombshell waves. Clary is in a simple dark royal blue satin dress alone with Jace's traditional suits. Simon is even here holding Izzy's arm wearing a full black suit and shirt. Cas has her glamor off and she's wearing a beautiful Greek inspired baby blue dress . While Mel has boat neck dress that reaches the floor and all over it looks like falling rose petals. I simply have a red velvet suit jacket to go with my assemble and only the arrow cuff that I hardly ever take off I forget it's there and a necklace that Alec had gotten for me while he was in uptown New York. It's a simple antique locket with a blue fire opal with intricate design s all around, inside is a picture we took shortly after Raf agreed to let us adopt him. As the preacher walks in all glamor is off even that which I have in my eyes. Alec seems to smile at this as he stares into my eyes the entire time I barely notice until I say I do and am told that I can kiss my husband and I happily do. A man walks into the room barely taking notice of the warlocks. He shuts the door and I see a man with black horns and fangs.

"So I can tattoo in the hospital?" He asks looking straight at my sister the vibes I'm getting from him I want to hit him.

Cas simply ignores them I guess as she nods her head, "I soundproofed the room for now and got permission to do so anyways. We'll be doing traditional shadowhunter bands."

I watch Alec put the hand with his wedding ring to my mouth and tears fall from his eyes and I feel the same. I wanted to do this for our wedding and even told Cas as such. She must have looked into it.

"Can you do it Sam?" Cas' voice almost sounds challenging.

"You know I can. This will be a piece of cake. I'll just need them to remove the rings and let me do my work. I'll work first with the 1 in the hospital bed."

I want to be pissy with this long haired dick, but he's right in a way. So I sit on Alec's free side ad watch as a beautiful white gold ring appears on his hand. I smile at Alec when I catch him staring and I see the glisten in his eyes that can only say pure happiness. When it's my turn I only have eyes on Alec barely registering anything else. When he's all done I slip my ring back on and grab the locket placing this memorising in it so I can watch it time and time again. Though I'm sure both Izzy, Cas, and Clary have it covered. I'm right and Cas looks at us, "Magnus, umm… I want to get a picture of the newly weds. Can I get it with the traditional rings on."

We nod our head slipping off the mundane rings that are still a beauty if I must say with how much time we spent on picking them. They are simple and spelled to stay brand new much like the locket I'm wearing. I hear a nurse and quickly everyone is back to the way they had come into this place. Izzy is leading Mel into a corner saying she's going to give her a beautiful fishtail braid better than I can.

As a nurse walks in she gives us all a dirty look, "Nurse Cat we need you in room 305."

Cat sighs as she nods but Alec and I get a hug before she leaves, "Congrats guys."

"Thanks," I tell her and I see Alec pointing at me while nodding as if to say 'what he said'.

I smile at him not wanting an of my fears to show on my face, but I know he can see it in my eyes. Alec has become a master at reading me he probably wouldn't even need to see my face. Still trying to be strong is a good front especially since we have our 7 and 9-year-old in the room. I need to be strong for them, but who would be strong for me. I'm pulled into a side hug as I sit on Alec's bed holding his hand. We sit there and slowly I find myself lying in the bed with him.

Everyone seems to disappear and I find that it's just Alec and me in the room.

"I'm sorry, Magnus," I try to say something and he covered my mouth gently with my hand and I know how much work he put into to do so, "Let me say this, please. I'm sorry, Magnus. That I screwed up. I should have told you about the warlock and that spell. I made a mistake, but we always seem to find our way back to each other. No matter what life throws at us and I think this is just another 1 of those. I know I'm not the only one that has spent so much of our time not feeling confident and scared, but when we get past all of that we were so much stronger together even when apart. I want you to think of that when I'm gone. I'll never be away from you not truly." Alec pulls out a different ring holding it out to me, "I know we had agreed on plain rings, but this one I had made just for you for after I'd be gone. I was going to put it in a lil box with your letter, but I had just picked it up right before I was taken here."

I nod my head as I take the ring. I look it over taking in how it has an arrow that wraps around the ring between the arrow tip and nock there are 3 stones 2 of which are sapphires that aren't even close to matching his eyes, but in the middle is a yellow diamond. I roll it around in my fingers to find the description to read, 'aku sayang kamu,' and next to it is a small celtic heart knot that stands for eternal love and a Chinese symbol that means that as well. I look up at Alexander to see his small smile.

"I love it. Thank you, Alexander.," I give him a gentle kiss, "Aku sayang kamu. I'll love you forever."

Alec smiles at me I feel the tears fall down my cheeks. He starts wiping the tears away, "I'll love you, forever as well my love."

I chuckle thinking of how we spent a lot of time calling each other my love and my nephilim when we first started to see each other. He got mad when I called him my own personal angel.

"Magnus, get some sleep. We'll talk more in the morning," Alec whispers and I know it's more than just him whispering.

I curl up closer to him wrapping my arms tightly around him, "You can't leave me until you say goodbye remember that, my sweet sweet nephilim."

I hear him chuckle, "I know, now sleep, my love."

I hear machines blaring and someone is trying to pull me away from Alexander's side. I won't let go, but I snap my eyes open to see nurses and doctors running around the room. I look up to see Cat standing there. She manages to separate me from Alec.

I want to yell at her but instead, I start to scream at him, "You promised to say goodbye. You promised. You still need to talk to the boys. Please, I can't do this alone. I need you, Alexander."

The machines start beeping regularly for a little while and the doctor looks astonished. He looks over at us and then Alec before he shakes his head and motions for me to follow him out of the room.

"I'm sorry Mr. Bane-Lightwood, but I don't think your husband will make it past today. With each time he flatlines, it does more damage. I'd be ready to say your goodbyes and I'll leave you to it."

I crumple down and I feel Cat wrap her arms around me, "Magnus, you knew this would happen 1 day. Alec is a shadowhunter you are lucky you even have this."

I know she's right that even with there being peace between downworlders and shadowhunters there are still patrols by all races.

I sigh as I shake my head, "I never wanted to lose him though, Cat. I wanted to be with him forever… even if he's mortal. Look Cat I need to grab the boys and bring them in to see him 1 more time. We'll talk after that."

Cat sighs as she looks at me, "You mean if you don't run away. You're lucky that I like you even a little bit."

I chuckle as I look at her, but a big whoosh of air it's all gone when I'm faced with my boys wrapped around me like octopi. I lead them into Alec's room and we're faced to see him with an oxygen mask on and the weak beeping of the machine. The boys slowly make their way to Alec's bed before they climb up on it wrapping themselves around him.

He opens his eyes and gives them a weak smile and pulls the mask down, "Hey, there are my boys."

"Daddy, you'll be alright won't you," Max asks him.

Alec shakes his head, "I'm not sure, buddy, but know that I love you more than anything the both of you. We were so lucky to have both of you in our lives."

Max and Raf are crying and it' not pretty at all. I watch them as Alec shushes them and kisses their heads. We make eye contact, and he gives me a weak but sure smile.

I point to the door and before I exit I hear Alec say it, "Goodbye, Magnus, love you."

I freeze up as I look back at Alec, "Goodbye, Alec, I'll always love you."

I watch a small secret and sad smile grace his lips so I walk back and kiss him, probably for the last time. I walk out of the room to find Luke standing there with his arms crossed.

"I just heard plus you guys got married last night, I believe congrats are in order."

I nod my head as I look at him, "Yeah, I'd say there is if it wasn't for what's happening right now."

"The warlock that did that he was brought into the Clave earlier, but they want you to talk to him."

"Good," I look through the glass door to see Alec sitting there talking to the boys.

"There's nothing that Cat or you can do?" Luke asks and I shake my head dejected. Luke seems to catch what's going on, "I'm sorry."

I nod my head, "Yeah, me too."

The boys slowly leave the room as Cat and Cas push lead them out. I smile at Alec and he gives me the same small smile back right before his machine flatlines. It's a good few minutes before I hear time of death. I find my way to Alec's side as I take his hand in my own. I kiss it as I set it down and lean over to give his forehead a kiss. I know I'm cringing, but who wouldn't. Alec is gone and I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.

I bite my lip as I look at away and back, "I love you, forever and a day. I will Alec no matter how many centuries that will pass. "


	9. Chapter 9- The Anger and Pain

_**Ch.9- The Anger and Pain**_

I feel hands wrap around me, but I shake them off. Though when I hear my boys I let myself fall even more into the ground to feel them wrap their arms around me. I feel the pain of losing someone I love hit me like a freight train. The truth of it all comes crashing down, and all I want to do is protect my family and get payback on the one that had taken a crucial part away. I feel Luke shake me a little bit causing me to let go of my boys as I look up.

"Magnus, I need you to help with the warlock that did this. We have no idea who he is and why he did this to Alec."

I nod my head, "We can talk about it with the Clave and I will have my words with them like how the hell a warlock can be so unknown if they are so all knowing."

Luke sighs as he looks at me, "Magnus, they're either old enough to stay hidden or young enough to not have stood out. It's not the clave's fault."

"Not the Clave's fault! Are you kidding me it's the clave that's gotten us into this entire mess and they just don't know it? They want power even after the whole Valentine mess and have yet to learn a thing."

Luke groans as he pulls me into an empty room, "That might be true, but Alec has changed the Institute in so many ways. He has made it for your sons can be classmates and so much more. He's made it so downworlders and shadowhunters alike can learn and be friends without a select few looking down on them. Alec has made it his life to do all of this after he met you and he has done it in such a short amount of time. If it needs to be done or hell if you can get away with it I'll gladly have you get payback, but I need you to think of those 2 boys out there first. They need their fathers and you are all they have left. They need you, Magnus, to hold them up and help them strive to be what Alec has… had envisioned for them. Maybe one day your son won't need to glamour himself to get around and Rafe no matter what his life looks like he'll stand by his father's beliefs."

I fall down and start crying all over again. Luke pulls me into his arms so I can cry, "Luke, he was ready to die. He… he was ready to die and was talking about how he wrote letters to all of us and how he adds onto them at least once a year. I should take what he had written and save them for the boys… shouldn't I? I mean they're only 9 and 7 it's not like they…"

"Do you remember how they came into your life, Magnus? Max was abandoned by who knows who and Rafe's family was killed leaving him to live off the streets. Hell, he wanted nothing to do with you and Alec no matter how many times you visited until you came with Max. What happened after he started to live with your small family?"

"It was all a mess. He thought to have a barely toddler be our issue, but Max has always been a sweet little boy. With Rafe it was different. He was scared of us, but from the beginning, he has loved Max. Alec and I would always find him looking over Max's crib at night. When asked about it Rafe would go quiet until one night he had said, 'I never had a baby brother someone to protect. I know you'll be safe protect all of us, but I want to protect Maxie.' It destroyed us. It's like how the boys wouldn't go to sleep until Alec would get home from his shift. They'd have him call all the time. Their father was a big bad shadowhunter who put his family first priority before anything else. Hell, he put all of us ahead of the Clave and that's what has gotten us into this mess. He was talking with a woman who has raised warlock babies with love and care. Alec wanted to do that even with how human he was. He wanted to nurture all sides of Max he could."

"It's my fault," when I hear the broken tiny voice I feel my heart squeeze.

Slowly turning I see Max standing at the door with Rafe.

"I killed daddy. I killed him it's all my fault."

I quickly wrap my arms around my youngest, "No, it's not your fault. Sure, he went there to talk to the nice lady, but it's cause she was in danger. She didn't give specifics and your daddy can… would get over confident sometimes, no matter how rare. She was his friend. He thought it was a simple human problem not what it turned out to be. Max," he doesn't look up and he doesn't stop shaking, "trust me when I say this your daddy would never blame you for what has happened. He has… had always wanted what's best for you and wanted you to be raised with ideas we both believe in."

I look up to see Rafe just standing there looking like he's stuck between a rock and a hard place. I wave a hand at him and he jumps into our small family hug, "I don't blame you, Max. I still love you and when we get older we'll both be strong enough to even protect papa."

I chuckle as I look at my boys proud of the men they're grown up to be and I know that Alec will watch over us all.

To say that leaving my boys with their aunts, uncle, and cousin was an easy decision you'd be wrong, but I do need to talk to this warlock. He's a disease and diseases are to be dealt with. To say that the man in the cell is the one I was told about I'd be shocked cause he looks like nothing important and maybe that's how he's flown below radar's like he has.

"Oh lovely they're done sending someone from the gloomy brigade and sent a colorful puppet," the man groans as he looks at the door of his cell. He sits up and starts laughing, "Oh not just any puppet at that but the great Magnus Bane. Ohhh… I'm guessing that little curse finally killed off lover boy or are you here to beg for the cure. Trust me when I say death is the only answer."

I look at the man at the doors and I motion to them, "Open them." the man stands there looking at me like I grew another head, "Open the stupid door. I won't kill him or break him out of here… I might kill him, but not before answers are given."

The last bit seems to sign the deal as he says, "Alexander Lightwood is a hero to us all and they want to do something more in his honor."

I nod my head as I walk into the small cell and I watch the warlock's bravado disappear as soon as we hear the special little click telling him that he's trapped in there with me.

"What do you want Bane?"

I move over to him and take him his little bracelets ones that took a whole lot of failures to create. I look to my side at a chair that I quickly sit down I like one of those bad cops that you see in movies. I guess to say that registering that I had a file in my hands on the guy is a bit stupid. I open it up giving him long silence as I quickly read through it.

"How did a lowlife warlock like you learn a curse like that?"

I watch a smirk appear on the guys face and I have to dig my nails into my hand not to kill this guy.

"You mean the curse that killed your fiancé? Ohhh… well you see the girl I was seeing I was only seeing cause she's raised a lot of warlocks and had helped a lot of them as well. They had a spell trading thing going on. Though that curse spell one was something she had found out about and locked away. That Lightwood was the first person I had ever gotten to use it on and the results weren't what I was expecting, but I guess it's supposed to affect people a bit differently. Do I need to know what he died of? I bet it was pretty pathetic. I mean as you called me I'm nothing but a lowlife warlock. Yet I cursed and killed the great Lightwood engaged to all high and mighty Magnus Bane."

"Alec wasn't the target… I was."

A shit eating smile answers that, "Of course. There are still people that find you to be pathetic and thought a lesson was in order. We never knew what to do and then Alec showed up and our questions were answered. He died cause of you and nothing else."

I don't know what happened I blacked out, but I find myself with blood on my hands and the warlock barely breathing gasping for air as blood pools from his mouth. He's just cackling like a fucking hyena. I look down at my hands clenching them tightly trying to reel myself in. I try to move to find myself restrained. I catch my reflection to see that Cas is standing there with her hands tightly around me.

I look up at her, "What the hell did I do?"

She shakes her head as if to tell me to be quiet. A shadowhunter comes over asking us, "Mr. Bane in the light of what this man had done we'll look the other way on what had just transpired here. Alec Lightwood was a visionary and we are all hurt by your lose." he looks up at Cas, "We'd also like to know who this is."

I truly look back at my sister to take in her glamour and cold stare, "She's been helping us with a few things. Plus the boys absolutely love her daughter."

Cas shakes her head, "I'm Cassandra, Magnus' older half-sister. I've spent the last few decades in hiding cause of you lot. Shadowhunters have always scared me. Now before you ask any more questions I'm going to say that we need to make funeral arrangements. I'll answer any questions once we've all had our own personal time to grieve."

I feel like a child being dragged off to my punishment as Cas portals us back to my apartment. Though we're in my bedroom. I close my eyes and once again the effects of today hit me.

"Magnus I know you aren't ready to truly talk about any of the arrangements so I'll leave you to get your bearings and a nice shower."

I nod my head as I look at how bloody I truly am and I'm sure none of it is my own. I find my way into the bathroom that's connected to our bedroom…. To my bedroom. I start to strip my clothing and quickly wash the blood off. Once the water is clear I can't stand the memories that just a simple place can hold. The simple lazy morning kisses and time alone where we'd just hold each other cause we always told ourselves that we had more time. That we'd have at least another 20 years before the thought of death would hit us. I bit my lip as I sink to the floor of the shower and let myself cry in peace. I let myself cry in memory of my lost lover… in the memory of my lost true love. I've always known myself to fall in love too fast, but to say that Alec has always been different case to me is an understatement all on its own. Alec was a force of nature that brought a beauty while everyone else could never amount to what Alec did. He had his own special way to get under my skin and I know at first it was just infatuation, but it quickly grew into something more and all I wanted was as much time with him as I could. Alec had given me pretty much everything that I could ever wish for and I know I'll always love him for that.

There's knocking on the door, "Magnus, you should get out I'm sure even your place will run out of hot water after over an hour in the shower."

I pull myself from the floor to find myself staring at the mirror and find myself remembering Alec's sigh when he had noticed how big it was, 'Magnus, do we really need this stupid thing in our bathroom?' I remember laughing as I wrapped my arms around his naked waist since we had just gotten out of the shower, 'Of course what better than to see your beauty with, my nephilim.' He had looked back at me, 'Alright, my love I concede.' Alec will always be my angel, my love, and no one will ever take his place. I shake my head as I make my way to my bedroom and I feel the need to change everything, but yet keep it exactly the same.

"Mags, what's taking you so long?" I hear my sister groan as he walks back into the room, "I might care for seeing you naked, but I think your family would like clothing and as much as possible."

I nod my head as I find my way to now only my closet. I'm standing there naked and I want to laugh and scream about how many black sweaters and shirts Alec owns. Yet I find myself taking his favorite off the hanger and bringing it to my nose smelling it clothing knowing the smell will calm me down. I look at the closet door to see Cas leaning against it and I don't feel any anger at her knowing she's been in this exact place far more times than I ever have.

"It never gets easy especially when you have so much more planned to do with your life with them. Arthur always wanted me to keep something from each life I've spent with him. I don't think I truly have for long except when he was an artist and that life I made a special exhibit for with a colleague of mine. Magnus, I'm gonna go outside with everyone maybe even pick up some clothing," I see her in a mirror turning to leave, but she stops to look over her shoulder, "You should hurry up your sons need you more than ever."

I slowly nod my head as she leaves. I find myself in Alec's favorite pair of my pants along with his sweater. I look at myself catching the light on the rings on my hand and the memory of the one in Alec's desk hits me. I find my way to Alec's little office and I open the drawer he had said. I quickly grab everything from it and make my way out of it locking it behind me. Cas seems to have a look between pride and pity and I know it's cause I went into Alec's office, but maybe I'm able to cause his death truly hasn't hit me yet.

Izzy notices what's in my arms and I watch her face turn a bit sadder, but it still has a gentle touch to it. I have expected her and Jace to hate me, but their faces seem a lot different than when Max died. They seem to be more accepting than anything.

"What's wrong with you, 2? Your brother is dead and you act like this."

Izzy and Jace nod their heads holding something back. Izzy is the first one to speak, "Of course, Magnus. Alec always planned ahead for the unseen. This was one of them. We've been preparing this for the last day or 2 plus it doesn't help that we've already read and watched what Alec had left for his death the day he gave it to us forever ago. Our brother's death well we wish we were the ones that dealt with the warlock that had done to this to our family."

"Our family?" I can't help but ask them.

"Of course our family. Wedding vows might be until death do us part, but that doesn't mean that we'll abandon you just cause our brother died. Magnus, you are family no matter what. You might not want to watch us grow old, but you're a little too late to get rid of us. Alec has always told us that we were to stick to you like glue…. Or was it more visual than that."

Jace nods his head, "It was. He got creative and all and we can't remember. We wrote it down so when we find it we'll have you see."

Izzy nods her head, "You're stuck with us way before you and Alec even told you he loved you."

I let the tears fall and my in-laws hug me. Even biscuit gives me a big hug. Still, I find myself on the couch with both of my sons crowded around me boxing me in. Cas is at the end of the couch looking comfy, but there's something in her eyes that makes my heart go out to her. Though I'm also worried cause it's the look that means she's hiding something from me. I can't deal with this right now. All I know is I need months of rest, major TLC especially with my boys, and large amounts of alcohol to drown myself in. Though I think I can hold myself off of the liquor until the boys are out of the house.

We're all ignoring what Alec had left for the boys and I. Hell even Cat, when she drops in, ignores the letters before she drops down in a chair with a glass of some whiskey she conquered up. We're all silent until its Max and Rafe who break the silence telling a story I'm sure I've heard from Alec's point of view. Then the stories keep going and the pain is still there floating on top of the surface, but it's a bit easier. Maybe after 50 years, I'll finally be able to think of him without the tears in my eyes. I'm not even sure how I'm going to make it through his funeral.


	10. Chapter 10- The Heart's Pyre

Ch.10- Heart's Pyre

"I don't think I can go through with this?"

Cas sighs exhausted cause she's spent since the day Alec died keeping me together like it's her job… Maybe she's trying to make up for all the times she wasn't there for me when I was damn near falling apart. I can tell she wants to fall apart right with me, but she uses her daughter for a reason not to. I've been trying to use the boys just the same way, but they keep asking about their father and I truthfully don't know what else to do.

"Magnus, I wish I could say it gets easier that time will heal the wounds but it never does. Even with me knowing I'll see him again I still plan funerals and watch him die. It's been far too many times, but it makes up for all the time I had spent alone and I know you didn't get a lot of time with Alec, but I know he made up for most of the that time in in such. Look there's already a cemetery plot and with a memorial just for him. I know none of us truly ever thought it would be so soon. I'm just glad I know a carver. He made the perfect monument marker for Alec's grave. I think you'll love it."

I nod my head, "You were working on it for such a long time I'm a bit shocked about it. Though I'm sure I'll love it once I see it."

Cas nods her head, "Alright, well I'm going to go get the boys ready and you should do the same thing."

I watch her leave before I pull on my clothing in which I had picked out some of Alec's old clothing to wear to his funeral…. They still smell like him. I slip on Alec's favorite jewelry but I think I'll keep the arrow ear cuff on. I stare at my reflection and I can still imagine the feeling of Alec wrapping his arms around my waist when he'd come up behind me. I chuckle as I sit down to see the wall covered in polaroids and simple photobooth photos. It started all from our first date after we got back together when we had gone to Japan once again. After that whenever we had gone out and there was a photobooth or it was some event we'd come home with polaroids and other photos. The ones on my wall are just some of my favorites. I place simple look on and play with the blue on the tips of my hair the color just doesn't match the color of his eyes though.

There's a knock on the door and I grab the original print of Alec's favorite photo booth polaroid. I make my way out the door and pull Max into my arms and Rafe to my side. I kiss their heads as I lead the way out of the apartment and we quickly find ourselves in front of a stone angel statue. The face looks just like Alec's and it only has a loose sheet in his lap that's falling off slowly it'd be held there by hands holding a bow and quiver filled with arrows to his leg. It's all simple and heartwarming as people go up talking about Alec while his siblings, our boys, and I sit upfront by a portrait of him. When they're all done it's silent and no one moves from their seats. I take a deep breathe holding the photo gently, but tightly in my hand where I have the wedding ring Alec had designed for me.

"Thank you for coming today. I know this isn't too much like a traditional shadowhunter funeral, but I thought since Alec had made friends from all over the spectrum that we'd do 2 different way. His family's long tradition and something new. Truthfully I didn't think it was going to get this big. He was like that," I let a little chuckle sigh, "Alec, had a habit of pulling in strays without even realizing it and he wanted to give them all chances from a warlock baby left in our care to a shadowhunter child with nowhere else to turn. We've looked after all kinds of children over the years even a young werewolf cub that no one wanted to take in all cause he wouldn't shift back from his wolf after he lost his parents to fire. Standing here today we're all people that Alec had influenced in the best of ways. Sure he's never much of talker, but when he cared about you or anyone you knew," I smile out at everyone and give them a lift lifting an eyebrow, "you were taken care of and if he didn't like you and you meant something to someone he cared for he'd stomach you even if it was painful for both sides. The man I loved… No, loved isn't the right word for how I feel for Alexander Lightwood-Bane. I love him and I know I will always love him. To me he was… is silver and the light of a shining star that turned my world around. You'd think knowing that I'm a warlock I'd be ready to accept the idea of death of a loved you'd be beyond wrong. Alec and I always fought about mortality and more specifically his mortality about a life without him and I could never picture anything like that. I imaged a life years from now still happily in love and maybe someday ready to let go, but with him I know I'll never be ready to do such a thing. Yet with everything that he has given all of and I'd like to believe that keeping his memory alive along with his ideals he'll live on for years to come and that," I stop as I wipe some tears from my eyes, "That means so much more to me. It's something that our boys will do and what every person who truly knew Alec will do. He fought for rights that no one else would and for his good deeds we all can be here today. Before I pass this off to someone else I want to read the end of a famous poem by Edgar Allan Poe, Annabelle Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love

Of those who were older than we-

Of many far wiser than we-

And neither the angels in Heaven above,

Nor the demons down under the sea,

Can ever dissever my soul from the soul

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee:-

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And the stars never rise but I see the bright eyes

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side

Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride,

In her sepulchre there by the sea-

In her tomb by the side of the sea."

I walk over to the base of the angel statue and place the photo there. I walk back over to Cas, Mel, and the boys. I wrap my arms around the kids and find myself shocked as I watch my sister walk to front of the statue looking like she's on the runway in a mixture of satin and lace black bodycon dress with black lace Louboutin heels with the most striking thing being the locket around her neck that holds of her memories. She stands there for a silent moment before she looks up waving a hand flashing her antique wedding ring.

"Hello, a lot of you might not know me but I'm Magnus' older half-sister Cassandra. I've only recently resurfaced to be in my brother's life after what seems to be over 300 years of being apart. I know I might not have any right to come up here and talk about Alec, but in the short time of knowing him I can only think of the kind of person he is. Sure when we first met I kind of was using their shower and they walked in on me naked so as first impressions go it wasn't the greatest. Though he warmed up to me faster than I'd ever think would happen. He let into his family and into his heart. Alec was the one that seemed to know exactly what to do and say to help cheer me up. He stood by me and he was and always be one of my best of friends. Even when he started to feel sick he made sure his family was taken care of and he counted my daughter and me just the same. I'm sad that in just the short amount of time that I lost him just like everyone else, but I feel like I didn't know him enough like everyone else. Alec though was like an enigma you'd think you know and he'd surprise you. A man like Alexander Gideon Lightwood-Bane is someone you'd like to be especially the man he turned out to be after he met my brother. The moment when he became tired of fighting just who he is and that's something we all should have in mind. Alec will be missed and I wish that his loved ones can accept and move past the pain."

I can feel a slight weight lift off my chest and I give my sister a look as she walks back over to me. I sigh as I look at the angel statue again still not sure why it has Alec's face. As if she knows what's on my mind she takes my hand giving it a good squeeze, "I did it so the boys will always know that their father will look after and protect them no matter what."

I chuckle, "That's true. Alec was truly special like that. Though I was really surprised with how close the 2 of you got after he acted after seeing you naked. Though that wasn't the first time you 2 met."

She leaves over as she answers the unasked question, "The wish giver is dead remember and that's who they were chasing."

I nod my head as I look down at my niece who is staring at the statue with sad eyes that seem to wonder where she is mentally. I move my hand from Rafe's shoulder to hers causing her to look up at me, I watch a small smile grace her lips. I feel the pain start to seep from her bones away from her to the earth, but as that happens I feel the same thing happen to about anyone else that's in the area. I shake off the feeling of dread that slipped in with that. I stare at my niece as she stares right back at me and before she looks away once again she gives me a shy little smile. I give her shoulder a squeeze before I pull Raph against my leg again and Max turns even more into an octopus wrapping his arms and legs around me.

I realize that people had started to leave and soon it's just Alec's siblings, mom, and well the kids, my sister, and me. I stand there feeling myself lean back into the tree. Max quickly lets go of me making his way to stand on the ground next to his brother. I smile down at them, but I know it doesn't truly reach my eyes. I watch Cas reign the kids over to her as she opens a portal to my apartment, "I'm taking the kids home. I'm sure they don't want to hear the grownups talk."

I nod my head as I walk over the kids to pull them into a tight hug.

"Do you hate us, Papa?"

I feel as if someone had just shot a cannonball into my gut as I hug my boys even tighter, "No, I don't hate you. I love you both so much no matter what. I believe I've talked to you several times Max that I would never blame you for your father. Alec was there to talk to a friend who was in help and it was not your fault. Alec is a very protective person and it's his duty to protect everyone from the troubles of our world."

I stand there looking in Max's eyes trying to relay to him just how much I love him and how I don't blame him. Raph even pulls his brother into more of a hug telling him just how much he loves him. I smile at them moving what hair they have looking around I pull Max's glamour away for a short while.

Max seems surprised but I shake my head, "your daddy loved this look for you and I'm sure he'd love to see it again."

Max smiles at me, 'Really?"

I nod my head, "Yes, that's what I think. Why do you think we both have always thought that you are our little blue?"

I watch max smile as he nods his head and slowly the boys leave and I'm facing Alec's siblings and mother. I'm surprised to have Maryse pulling me into her arms. I feel as if I should be comforting his family and not the other way around. Though after Maryse lets me go I'm pulled into Izzy's arms. I stand there leaning into her feeling all my energy leaving my body quicker than I'd think so. They stand there quietly before they tell me that they'll be going to the loft. I nod my head and watch them slowly leave. Once I'm the only person left I move to the statue and place flowers down. I stare at the flowers wondering just what they mean. They're like the flowers that I had given him in the hospital. I stare at them holding back my tears wondering if I should say anything or if I should just leave.

I wave my hand again and 2 small candles like we'd burn when someone would die when I was a child. I stand there looking at the flowers and candles feeling a bit more like he's standing there with me.

"Hi, my love. I'm not sure if this will be the last time or not that I come here or if this is just the start of a new routine. I don't know but I do know that I already miss you more than life itself and I'm not sure what I'd do if I didn't have the boys. I know we had decided to leave the number of my past lovers in the past, but it doesn't matter cause I will never love anyone like I have loved you. My love for you is something that I'd like to think Cas and Arthur had together. Maybe I should have taken one of her deals for you… Maybe I should have actually let you decided. I know that this will be something that I'll regret for the rest of my life. I know that I'll spend every waking moment missing you and maybe someday it'll get easier, but that's not going to be anytime soon. I know I need to go home to our family and I know that I need to grab onto our happiness. I need to let you go or else I won't be able to be happy and the boys know that. Max keeps thinking that all of this is his fault somehow. I don't want our little blue to ever think like that. He's our son and we've always wanted him to follow his own path. That we'd love both him and Rafe no matter what. I guess I'm already feeling as if I'm failing them already. You've hardly been gone and I already have this feeling. What kind of father will I be without you? I mean you have always been the one to figure out what's bothering them and how to make them feel better. I'm good at basics and not that much more. You were helping bettering myself in that department and so has Cat, but I still feel like a failure himself. I feel like my heart's a pyre burning strong and deep. Though the pyre that burns I feel as if it will overtake me. You have left me and I wish that I could have you back in my arms. My love and my all I take this as a time to remember just as the time I had spent with you. Max and Raph will miss you just as much as I and we'll love and keep you memory alive. Though without you we're taking a deep dive. So my love from me to you I will always love you and just yet I will always miss you more than life itself."

I look at the angel statue's face making me stare at the exact replica of my husband's face. I lean up and place a hand on knee wishing that I have Alec with me one more time, but I know even if he was I'd keep asking for more.

"Daddy, it's time to wake up," Raph shouts from outside my bedroom door which is seal shut after I had headed off to bed last night.

Sealing it off cause I planned on having a few drinks and the next thing I know I'm using my magic to destroy half of my room. I had destroyed everything of mine and anything that was Alec's or anything that Alec had liked. To say that I had blown up my liquor is odd to think, but I had and thank god I'm a warlock or else I don't know what I'd do.

I wave my hand and everything broken disappears. I walk to the door and open the door facing my sons. I smile slightly, but the look they give me makes my chest hurt. I kneel down to face them wrapping them in my arms for a quick strong hug before I stand up again. The day is like any other day expect there's no tip toeing cause Alec came in late and needs his rest. There's no Alec and there's that hole there in our hearts that can't be filled.

"Max, aren't you late for school and so are you Raph," I tell the boys and they groan for a second. Though max seems to perk up about something before he runs off to his room and Raph stands there in front of me.

"Papa, will this be easier? A life without a dad… this isn't going to be easy for anyone of us… especially you and Max. I'm more human I'm mortal I'll get to see him again 1 day and you 2 will have to live a long life without him. I don't want either of you to be in pain. I know what you did last night and the nights before that since dad died and I want you to let that pain go. Aunt Cas might be away on business, but it's been a year."

"A year to be exact since the day he died and I can't keep living like this. I know that and I'm just glad that I have you boys. I'm glad that I still have a family who loves and cares about me. That I feel the same way about."

Raph nods his head as he pulls me into a tight hug, "I love you, Papa. I will always love you and I will always miss dad like no other, but we still have you and I'm scared we'll lose you as well."

"You could never lose me, I'm much too stubborn for that. Sorry, Raph but the day you agreed to come home with us was the day you became stuck with me forever."

The smile I get is blinding and the feeling I get makes the pain of missing Alec go away. I look at the table to see that the letters that Alec had written to us are still sitting there untouched. I guess what better time to read them then today.

Later in the day after we've visited Alec's angel statue. I had spent the entire day rereading the freaking book my husband had written to me since the day we started being more serious in our relationship. We place a bouquet of flowers on the monument. The boys talk and soon after we find ourselves in one of our favorite dinners. I feel like as this day goes on that we are becoming far closer together ever since Alec's death. We have been drifting apart for the last year and now that I feel like we're closer a bit more than we were with Alec. Today has been a great day for our family and I hope we can keep them up.


	11. Epilogue- Hello Again

**Epilogue- Hello… Again**

I never thought life would give everything it has. To have had a loving husband who cared about me as much as he had. To of had such loving children that would run around yelling about how proud they are to be our children. Yet as life started to come to a close I realized just how alone I really was. I started to notice how my children got older and moved on with their lives with families they had started. The worst part would be how the love of my life never seemed to age and how he had to watch me grow old and leave him. That was never my plan. I knew he had talked about becoming mortal, but I felt like it was too big of a risk for him. What if somehow it killed him or there's was too big of a price that had to be made? Our life together had just started at that time, but he had already meant so much, we were together for so long. I never thought that our time together was going to stop. Yet I grew older as time passed as anyone would…. Anyone but an immortal. My husband that great Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, didn't age and we were soon left in the dust. I started to get slower and soon we'd stop being intimate cause my body just couldn't take it anymore. So when the time came and I had died I was so relieved I never thought much of it. Though when my dear sister-in-law had decided to come talk to me one night shortly after I met her she had given me a sour look.

" _You heard me give Magnus the choices didn't you?"_

 _I simply nodded my head and smiled sadly at her, "He does not wish for us to be. He still hasn't told me and I'm sure he never will. I bet he's scared of what will happen if he died one day and I'd still be reborn."_

 _She shakes her head as she looks at me, "It doesn't work that way. The spell ties the 2 of you together and as long as he's alive than your rebirth will happen. Though when he dies the rebirth will stop and you'd never know truly."_

" _I've spent all this time and I think I'd like to try the rebirth. Is there anything that truly changes?"_

" _Umm… Let's see your birth date is usually a bit after you die. Always on your last date of death. There will be a mark that will always show… like a birthmark or scar. Alec where did that tattoo come from it's not a rune I know?"_

 _I look at where's she's pointing at the Celtic love knot that Magnus and I had gotten tattoos of one drunken night on our honeymoon at that, "It's a Celtic love night. It represents eternal love… Magnus and I had gotten matching tattoos on our honeymoon while we were very drunk."_

 _She had chuckled as she looked at it and point to it, "That will stay but will look more like a birthmark or scar than a tattoo."_

 _I nod my head and then I look at her, "Will it hurt?"_

" _I'm not gonna lie to you, Alec, It hurts like no other. It hurts like it does cause I reach in and touch the very fabric that makes you, you. Though with Magnus out right now I can tie you 2 together and he won't even know the pain. Would you really like to do this behind his back?"_

 _I look at Magnus passed out next to my hospital bed, "Yes, I know he'll never allow me to do this. He wants me to live a rather normal boring life as a shadowhunter, but I can't think that I'd leave him alone for eternity until one day he simply dies somehow. I can't let that happen even though I know Max will be with him no matter what. Yet, I know he'll lock himself away until he can't. I told Cat that no matter what he's too try to live a life without me, but I know he won't. He'll let himself become alone with no care in the world. I can't let him do that, Cas. I love him too much. I can't let him be alone. To let him be filled with the memories of what was and spend the rest of his life thinking of me and everything he could have done to prolong our time together."_

 _I watched one of the oldest warlocks I've had ever meet smile gently as she whispers, "I'm sorry."_

 _Before I can ask why she shoved her hand into my chest and I can feel her hand wrap around my heart. I watch her remove her hand with what looks like a clear looking heart. Then she stands over Magnus and does the same it's almost like she's switching them. I can hear her words float around us but none of it sticks to me. Especially when she shoved her hand back into my chest. I don't remember blacking out, but I had I woke up in the morning like nothing else mattered._

I sigh as I run a hand over my clothing once again. I look myself in the mirror and take in the differences between me now and Alec Lightwood. Now I'm a boring mundane by the name of Alexander Tennant. I'm originally from London, but when I was 16 my parents had moved to New York to have a fresh start. I still have that lovely accent, which I hope Magnus will like. I take in my still dark hair and bright blue eyes. Though this face definitely doesn't belong to the old me… it's too… I'm not sure, but the difference is uncanny, like from a Matthew Daddario to a Bradley James.

I hear a knock on my apartment door and as I open it I'm faced with both Cas who still looks to be a 21years old and her daughter Mel who looks to be the exact same age. I stare at them shocked and at the same time rather excited to see them, but they are not my husband and sons… Well, the Lightwood version of my family.

"My dear Alec, how have you been?"

I give her a look you mean after I died and after I was reborn into this body? How do I have my memories?"

They give me a look, "We're not sure the only way I think that'd happen is if you already been reincarnated and tying you to someone makes it so you have your memories. Look it's been about 50 years since you died and well the first 20 were rather rough for all of us. Magnus the most. He spent a lot of his free time when he wasn't with the boys or working he spent at a statue monument that he had made for you. It's a pretty good likeness as well. I'm sure since it's the anniversary he's there with the boys and their families. Magnus has barely left Brooklyn and Max he's in the same boat. Rafe, on the other hand, had pushed through all of it with the help of Laurel, the beautiful woman he had married. He named his firstborn after you. When his son's eyes stayed blue he was so happy. Everyone loves all 3 of Rafe's children. I guess you can meet them though they are in their a bit older. I mean you are the age of his youngest child and his oldest grandchild."

"So you're telling me that my birthday is on the anniversary of my own death?"

"Yes, it is. It will always be like that mostly it's your first death. Alec, I'm here to bring you to your family. I know that they might not completely seem like that, but."

I give her a look cutting her off rather quickly, "no matter if I have my memories or not they will always be my family, Cas. They are the people that I love the most. They are my family. I've tried to fall in love with different people, but I haven't met someone who made my heart beat like Magnus did mine even when we first met."

"Though this life it seems you're living outside the closet though I wonder what the symbol became that Magnus will know that it's you."

I lift up my hand and show her, 'well besides the wedding tattoo still being on my ring finger like a birthmark."

She seems confused for a second before she shrugs it off smiling seeming to realize that she's been ignoring her daughter, "Mel, can you open a portal to Uncle Magnus and your cousins."

She nods her head, "of course, mom. They are in the same place as they always are. Raph is there this year with his kids and max is there with his most recent lover… Sandra, I think her name is."

I can't help but ask, "And Magnus what of him?"

"Alec, Magnus hasn't taken a lover since you died. I think cause he didn't know that you took one of the wishes in the first place so he blames himself for all of this. These last 46 years have been hell for him."

"I'm way too nervous about this. What if he doesn't recognize me? What if he gets mad at me?"

"Honey, calm down he might be mad, but you are the 1 thing that he'll always want and love. Remember that Alec. Though let's go see your husband and kids."

I walk through the portal with Cas and Mel surprised when I see the intricate statue of me… as an angel sitting down holding a bow and quiver to the leg as if ready to fight, but they rather not. I find a rather large group standing around. I see my beautiful boys all grown up. Though of course, they would be it's been a good 50 years. Though Max doesn't seem to be older than maybe his mid-20's. Raph is in his mid-50 now and he seems to be aging a lot better than most people or he's been dying his hair back its original color. I look at the woman who are at their sides and I can't help the small smile that graces my lips when I see that. Though my eyes still train on Magnus looking the same as ever. They don't seem to be looking our way just yet and I just see their backs. I back towards where the portal was, but Cas and Mel grab a hold of my arms pulling me away from it.

"Alec, this is your family even if it might not seem like it. I know you said that they will always be family. They will always love you."

"What if I'm too different than before?"

They give me a look and I sigh knowing that I'm defeated. I let them pull me up to the group and they hardly look back at us. They seem to just be standing there, but in seeing over their shoulders I see what seems to be letters placed on the foot of the statue along with the same bouquet of flowers that Magnus had given to me when I was in the hospital… dying.

Without looking back Magnus says over his shoulder, "Mel, Cas put your letter up for we can go to the dinner."

I can't help myself when I ask, "Is it that's almost exactly between the institute and your… old loft? What did we always call it….? Oh yeah, Gravity wasn't it cause we always found ourselves eating there."

I watch as Max, Raph, and Magnus looks back at me simultaneously look back at us more specifically me… and I'm pretty nervous about this cause I'm worried that once they see me they won't want me.

"Cas… Mel… Who did you bring with you?" Magnus asks us and his eyes are filled with curiosity.

"Well…. If I tell you…. Do you promise to only be mad at me?"

"Well I'm not sure what you're talking about, but yeah sure I'll only be mad at you for whatever reason you bring this… guy here for a family event."

"Well, you see that he is family. Umm… You know however long ago I gave you the choice of 3 wishes," I watch Magnus slowly nod his head, "Well," she takes my hand lifting it up, "Alec had picked one when he was in the hospital."

Magnus grabs my hand tightening his hold on his wrist as he stares at my ring finger before he looks back at me, "Alec… No, you can't be I let you die," Magnus gasps out as he holds my wrist and having almost a full blown panic attack.


End file.
